I like watching the Biggest Loser. A couple seasons ago a player choose to leave the ranch. What a BRAVE act!
Most people berated her because she “quit”. I think she had the courage to say this isn’t for me.
But when do you abandon a goal verses just tweaking or recommitting to it?
Make goals that are truly meaningful to you. This was the first tip in my New Year’s post on how to make goals you will actually keep. This was #1 on my list for a reason.
Anytime you make a meaningless goal it has no staying power. TWEET
By early February or March of resolution season, you discover that:
1. You set the goal with wrong motives or unrealistic expectations
2. You don’t really care about the goal you originally set.
3. You can't actually do the goal
Hopefully, you haven't abandoned your goals yet. I wanted to share a story with you I learned last year.
You would think being a connoisseur and coach on these matters that I would not fall into the traps I warn my clients about. Think again.
I set a goal early last year. It was a “good” goal. It was something I should do. It would be good for me. For the first few weeks, I pursued my goal but there was something nagging me. Each time I took a step towards my goal, I would begin to resent it. I was surprised to catch myself daydreaming about sabotaging my progress. I was even more surprised when I smiled at the plan to sabotage my “good and right“ goal.
Conventional wisdom would tell us to be more disciplined, to re-up our committment, and just keep going. Yet, it is BRAVER to pause to really see what is happening.
What was nagging me? I felt coerced, by circumstances, into setting that goal. And because I thought my hand was forced, subconsciously I wanted to retaliate by disregarding the goal entirely…which is what I did.
I set the goal with the intent to get on someone’s good side. I wanted to achieve the goal in order to gain the respect of another person. As I pursued my goal, it was clear that I didn’t care about the goal. Not one bit!
A goal should not be on your list if you don’t care whether we achieve it or not.
Perhaps you are wondering if this is just an excuse NOT go after goals? Didn't that contestant just prove once again that she is undisciplined?
I am sure some might see it that way. But you can't help how others view or interpret actions.
How do you determine if it's best to recommit to your goal, tweak your goal, or abandon your goal?
Recommit to your goal if you just haven’t worked your plan. You know what to do but just haven’t done it. TWEET
Tweak your goal if you have begun working your plan but have uncovered hindrances along the way. Adjust and then keep going. TWEET
Abandon your goal if you gain nothing by achieving it, if your motives aren't right, if you are not vested in it, and if pursuing it causes more harm (physical, emotional, or psychological) than good to you or others. TWEET
I want and need to be vested in my goals. I can’t whole-heartedly pursue something I am not ready for…even if it is good for me.
Even if it is good for you, should you abandon a goal that you aren't ready to pursue or just "dig deep" and keep going?