What She REALLY Wants From You When She Is Overwhelmed

If you have ever heard your

female friend....
female cousin...

say she was overwhelmed, stressed, or tired, this is post is to help you understand what she really wants from you. Trust me, if you implement these tips you help relieve her burden and gain major brownie points in the process.

Disclaimer: My tips assume that your relationship with said female is a relatively close one. Your success at using these tips greatly diminish if you don't spend significant time interacting with said woman.

Tip #1 Become a student of her!

Most likely, if the woman in your life is stressed she is going to "say" so. The problem is that she may not "say" so in a way that you recognize. Truth is, if she is feeling stressed, it didn't just happen. It has been building overtime. This means she has been "saying" so for a while. In the beginning the signs are probably really subtle. She might begin to sigh loudly and frequently. She might become more irritable, snarky, short, moody,  or  even distant.

You have to study your woman to know when a change has taken place. You have to know what is the norm for your woman. Sarcasm might be an everyday thing for her. But in stressful times does she become more sarcastic? Does she become less sarcastic? Does she begin to curse more? Does she increase her Bible reading? Does she go on a OCD cleaning spree? Does she let the house and herself go a little? Does she eat more or less? Notice these things.

If she explodes with a "You see I'm stressed! Can't YOU clean the dishes for once in your life". What she is really saying is, I have been "saying" I'm stressed for a while and you have ignored my pleas you insensitive jerk! So familiarize yourself with her stress cues.

Tip #2 Do! Don't Ask!

Most guys don't recognize their woman's stress call until she has exploded in some way. A thrown dish, a very wild margarita night, or the silent treatment. Then because you care, you think the next logical step is to ask "Is there anything you can do to help?" or "how can I help?"

Let me help you fellas, DO NOT ASK  her that or any form of that question. Why not? Because in her mind, she is so overhwhelmed with whatever is going on that taking the time to explain to you what you can do is just another item on her to do list. Two things will happen if you ask her that question

1. She'll answer by saying "Nothing". This is frustrates both of you because intrinsically you both know that isn't true. There is something that you can do but...and pay attention to this... she doesn't want to have to tell you what it is. She is thinking "Don't you know me enough to know what is on my plate and how to help? Why do I have to TELL you?

2. She'll answer you with a long list of things to do in the most condescending tone of voice ever known to man. Her tone of voice will make you feel like an idiot and you will either not do the things she mentioned, or do them with pronounced resentment which of course she will detect. This builds resentment towards you because she begins to feel like you don't really know her and that hurts her feelings on top of being overwhelmed.

The best thing you can do to help alleviate her burden is to do an ACT that "says" " I see you and I am going to help because I care". She feels like she is drowning and is being lost in all the responsibility or amount of activity she has going on. She needs to be reminded that you see her. That you care about her as a person and not because of the way she seemingly handles things with ease. She also needs to be reminded that she is not alone. She is looking for help

What act can you do that reinforces that you see her, and you want to help? Well that depends on the woman. That is why you have to study her to know what would do it.  It could be doing the dishes, doing the grocery store shopping, treating her to a mani/pedi, or a trip to the shooting range. 

The two most important aspects of your act is that you assume ALL responsibility for doing it AND you do it in the way she would want it done.

It isn't enough to tell her you will go to the grocery store for her, if you have her make the list. It isn't enough if you go to the store only to call her every five minutes asking which brands she normally buys. You live there. Open the cabinets and refrigerator and see for yourself what needs to be restocked. Take note of the brand names of the items that are running low.

If she has a specific way of cleaning things, clean it the way she likes or get someone to do it the the way she likes. 

It is great if you want to surprise her with a spa day or overnight stay somewhere, but make sure you take care of setting up a babysitter for the kids. Make sure little Johnny has his favorite blanket washed and ready to go. If she has to arrange all the details, she'd rather not do it.

The details behind the acts are just as important as the acts themselves. 

I know this sounds like a lot. But acting in that manner will open up the door for deeper conversation if she is a talker or greater sense of connection.

If you will do this, you will greatly help reduce your woman's stress. 

In calmer times you can talk about better ways to communicate. After all you aren't a mind reader and she needs to learn how to manage herself so as not to get so high strung. That may be be but in the stressful moment...don't say that. She may need to learn to appreciate the way you do things even if it isn't like hers. But in calmer times, you can bring that up. 

Right now, I am just trying to help you help her get through a stressful time. 

What do you think? Was any of this helpful?

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