Fast food or Gourmet: Which leader are you?

If you had to describe your leadership style, would you be a gourmet leader or would you be a fast food leader?

I was listening to a marketing seminar about attracting the right people. The presenter asked us to examine our website copy to see if we are presenting our services as a fast-food or as gourmet. It was a great question that got me thinking a lot and I wanted to present it to you.

First let’s talk about the difference between fast food and gourmet food. Fast food is uses cheap ingredients to produce a quick meal. It is common. You can expect the food taste the same no matter where you go. The burger in North Dakota will taste the same as the burger in Florida. Fast food tastes good going down but proves not to be good for you later. The flavor of the food is predetermined. It is good in a pinch but it’s not something you can live on perpetually.

Gourmet food on the other hand invokes a different feeling. It is made with high quality ingredients. The reason behind the ingredients is just as important as the ingredients themselves. Gourmet food is  custom and uniquely special to the restaurant, the region, or the chef. It is about the experience. Gourmet food custom blends flavors together so that it’s consumer can experience a new oral sensation. Gourmet food leaves you feeling satisfied not just full.

As you read those distinctions did your mind start listing the difference between a gourmet leader and a fast food leader?

Fast food leaders

Fast food leaders see people as commodities that can easily be switched out. People are ingredients and fast food leaders don't look for quality ingredients. They'll take whatever because they don't value people. An example of this comes from one of my favorite action movies, The Fast and Furious  6. The villain, Owen Shaw, gives his take on team: “A team is nothing but pieces you switch out until you get the job done. It's efficient. It works.”  Even though the man saying it was a cute British actor with an accent that would make one swoon, the truth is his view on his team is of a fast food variety. Fast food leaders view humans as commodities that can exchanged, replaced, and debased as long as the job gets done.

Fast food leaders keep the status quo. They do not value nor to do they look for diversity in their team members. He or she values keeping things running smoothly over rocking the boat.

Fast food leaders are full of fluff with no substance. You can be under this leader for years and not grow one bit.They are all about jargon, buzzwords, and catchphrases.They lead with stale cliches and ideologies. They aren't original.

Things fast food leaders do that drive people crazy:
• They don’t confront or handle conflict well. It takes too much time
• They interrupt and shove their ideas onto others.
• For them, obedience is more important than understanding.
• Their vision is short sighted. They don’t look long term
• They use their leadership position to hide their insecurities

Gourmet leaders

Gourmet leaders not only understand that the people carrying out the mission are indispensable to the organization’s success, but they also take action to support their stance.
Gourmet leaders know and show empathy. They can connect on a personal level with their employees.  They help their employees unearth internal motivations for success. They craft employee development plans the align the organziations mission to the individuals development and career aspirations. Being under s gourmet leaders’s is an experience.

Thing gourmet leaders do that makes them successful:
• They actually listen, instead of waiting for you to just stop talking.
• They equal parts encouragement and praise and correction and challenge.
• They are secure enough to reproduce themselves.
• They ask for opinions and perspectives other than their own.
• They leave their employees better in the long run

Which type of leader are you? Which type of leader would your team say you are? If you don’t know, ask them. Do you know what you need to do in order to be more gourmet and less fast food?  Contact me so we can chat about.



This BRAVE Living blog post is for the woman who knows she is called to an even greater level of leadership, influence,  and money, yet can't figure out how to do that day to day. Subscribe to my 7 Communication Mistakes Women In Leadership Make to understand what might be holding you back.

photo credit: Anne-Marie Nichols via photopin cc

11 Unusual Disguises of Fear

My youngest son will be wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume and my oldest will wear a Pirate costume to the church Fall Harvest party this month. There are super cute costumes, but no matter how much green make up we put on my youngest or how deeply we color in a beard on my oldest's face, my husband and I will always recognize them. There costumes will never keep us from knowing who they really are.

Did you know fear can wear costumes? Some of fear's costumes are so well clothed in your own skin that you don't recognize it as a foreign body at all. Fear is much more of a chameleon. Fear can take on the costumes of other emotions, thoughts, and physical problems so seamlessly that you'd never recognize it.

Photo Credit: Giovanni 'jjjohn' Orlando via Compfight cc 

Fear boldly masquerades as so many things for one single purpose: survival. If fear kept it's most common form, a distinct feeling of dread or doom, then we'd just learn how to overcome that fear and it would forever be vanquished. So in order to ensure it's survival it became a master of disguise. Iyanla Vanzant once said,

"Fear wears so many clever disguises it is virtually impossible to always recognize it. Fear disguises itself as the need to be somewhere else, doing something else, not knowing how to do something or not needing to do something." 

Since you can never conqueror what you can never identify, let's pull the mask off of some of fear's costumes.

Fear can masquerade as:

How To Self-Promote Without Feeling Sleezy

In a world of selfies,  YouTube, and a host of other ways one can say "hey look at me" some women find self-promotion off putting...but you can't afford to think that way.

October is national self-promotion month. Yes, it is a real observance. I doubt you'll get the day off work although I am sure someone will make a great case for why you should. In fact, you can probably think of several people for whom EVERY month seems to be self promotion month...and you want to be nothing like them.

If you grew up like I did, you were taught that is not "lady like" to draw attention to yourself. The "lady" of yesteryear is supposed to wait for others to praise her, then graciously divert attention away so as to remain humble.

I submit to you that one of the reasons you haven't been promoted or gotten that big opportunity you really want is directly related to your lack of self-promotion skills. 

Don't shoot the messenger. I have good news though. You don't have to be obnoxious about promoting yourself but you DO have to learn how to comfortably and effectively promote yourself.

I'll let you in on a little secret. My biggest mindset challenge these days has to do with self-promotion! When you are a business owner, self-promotion is commonly referred to as marketing. I know marketing is important...essential in fact. But in the beginning, I didn't like it. It felt icky, braggadocios, and just not me. Many of my clients feel the same way in their jobs. Many hardworking women hope and pray that their hard work will be all that's needed to get them further.  And that's just not true.

The 21st century woman in leadership has to challenge the "anti-self-promotion" mindset if she wants to be a leader of influence. 

So I'll share with you one of the ways I, and my clients, have overcome this limiting belief in order to clearly see ourselves and our work.

Coaching Activity

#1 Redefine what self-promotion is to you.

In the beginning of this post, I mentioned how you probably knew someone who shamelessly self-promotes and the negative feelings you have with that person. What they do has you saying "Uh-uh, no way" . Don't define self-promotion by the annoying people. Set a new definition for yourself. Just as you can pinpoint the "all-about-me" folks, I bet if you think hard enough, you can also identify the people who self-promote in a way that feels authentic to you.

Take notice of that person. How are they self-promoting without being obnoxious? What are they doing? What are they not doing? 

Define what healthy self-promotion looks like for you is the first step in opening yourself up to doing it.

#2 Create a new mantra

With my coaching clients, once we've identified the limiting mindset. We take time to craft a new one. We work on the wording so that when the old mindset shows up (and it will) there is something new to reinforce the new way of thinking. 

So what could be your BRAVE new mindset around self-promotion? If it helps, don't use the word self-promotion if it bothers. Finish this statement....

"By highlighting my accomplishments, I ......." 

Now list 5-10 positive things that will result from you highlighting your accomplishments.

#3 Make a Triumph Tracker

One of my biggest breakthroughs came several years ago when I was revising my resume. My career coach suggested I list all the successes I had in my jobs. It was hard because I didn't pay attention at the time so I didn't think I had any successes.

If you don't count your blessings, you end up thinking you don't have any.

I learned my lesson. Now, I encourage all of my clients to keep a "Triumph Tracker". It is just a running list of every win, success, or big step they take in their professional lives and the results of said actions. When performance review times rolls around, my clients are ready with specific lists of what they did and the results that happened. Sometimes, their lists gives them the courage to ask for a promotion.

Why self-promotion is necessary

You need to promote to:

• build your self confidence and finally putting to bed the "am I good enough?" question 
• remind yourself how awesome you are
• get that next big job
• showcase your skills and accomplishments
• to compete in a global workplace
• to differentiate yourself from all the people who do the same thing

Bottom line: If you don't talk about your success, identify the ways you've met or exceeded expectations, and highlight your big wins and their impact to your organization...who will?

If you know you want a raise, but deep down you know you hate self-promotion, contact me today so I can show you in 30 minutes how to eliminate that limiting belief and set you on a path to comfortably and un-apologetically claiming what you want. Click  here to schedule a complimentary chat today!

How to show weakness without being weak

The most effective way that you can build trust in your team is by sharing your weakness and how you are trying to overcome them. If you encourage your staff to share their professional development needs and opportunities with you YET you don't share with them, you are setting yourself up to be a bad leader.

I was talking to one of my clients about revealing her professional development goals to her staff and boss. She wasn't excited about revealing to her team how she was trying to work on her weaknesses, namely hiring me as her leadership coach. She isn't alone in her thinking. It doesn't make her a bad person. In fact, most people don't want to share their weaknesses with their team. This is faulty thinking.

Here's why. 

#1: You send the wrong message

As a leader, your job is to develop your talent to do their work most effectively. You usually ask your staff to set personal development goals and to share those with you so you are up to date what they are doing, how they are struggling, and how you can support them. Yet, if your staff NEVER sees you, their leader, doing the same thing, then you unconsciously communicate that "personal development is only necessary to get you into leadership and after that, you don't need it anymore. "

For most leaders, that is a phrase you would never say aloud because you know it is utterly ridiculous.  Personal and professional development is a need throughout a leaders' life time. So why not reinforce your commitment to personal development by sharing how you are developing yourself?

The most effective way that you can build trust in your team is by sharing your weakness and how you are trying to overcome it. Continual research has proven that team members respond to authentic open honest leadership. Too many people want to hide their flaws instead of sharing them strategically.

#2: They already know your weakness.

Your staff already knows your development needs. In fact, they probably know your development needs more than you do. They come in frequent contact with your "development needs". They complain to their spouses or friends about how your "development need" got on their nerves just yesterday. 

How to show weakness without being weak

Since you want to be a leader who sets the example of good leadership, I encourage my clients to share their weakness without being weak. The reason leaders don't want to show weakness is a fear and trust issue. You are asking your team to trust you  but you don't trust them. You are too afraid of how you'll look. 

It's time you let people see behind the curtain.

One leadership coach, Marshall Goldsmith says he does not get paid unless the key stakeholders say his client has shown significant improvement. The secret sauce behind Goldsmith's strategy is that the client chooses the stakeholders and they are involved from the beginning. It isn't  random and it isn't secretive. It is a strategic process.

The secret to showing weakness without being weak is inviting select group to witness your transformation. Imagine if your boss came to you and said, "You all have told me I am not great at listening. I hired a coach to help me with this. Would you mind if once a month, I ask you how I'm doing on not interrupting people in the office?"

His or her stock would dramatically rise. If your staff is coming to you with their weaknesses and you are leading them to develop plans and execute the plans to overcome their weaknesses then why wouldn't you share your plan to do the same with your staff?  Do you have to expose every single detail? No. Do you have to reveal personal issues about yourself? No. What you have to do is release the pride that says I can't show my weaknesses.

Own Your Leadership...Here's How!

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the hard decision I made to invest in myself. Read Why Women Don't Invest In Themselves. Despite the difficulty, I did it. Next week I am going to my first professional development conference as CEO of BRAVE Communication. I am excited and nervous. This particular conference asked you to choose your track. Executive, manager, contributor etc. There are different break out groups designed for the different positions women  hold within their organizations.

I was talking to my husband about it which track I should choose. It was obvious to him but it took me a minute to own it. Then it hit me. Duh! 

"I am an Executive, therefore I choose the Executive track."

That statement both empowered and frightened me. Have you ever felt that way? You know you are in charge, in leadership, but there are times when actually saying or taking actions that prove it seem a little...well, weird?

One of the reasons women in leadership don't own their leadership is because they don't see themselves as leaders. In their own minds eye, they don't fit their own image of what leaders look like or do. Since we know ourselves so well, we know we aren't fearless or direct or very _____(fill in the blank with whatever you think the perfect leader is). For a long time, my image of leadership was an older white man in navy blue blazer, starched white button downed shirt, khaki colored slacks, and those brown loafers with the two tassels on them. 

Well I'm a young (at least I think so) black woman who likes warm colors and hates buttoned down shirts. Clearly my "image of leadership" wasn't helping me. So I got rid of that old image and replaced it with my own.

As an executive coach, one of the BRAVE mindset shifts I help my clients realize is that leadership looks like you.

I'll say it again: Leadership looks like you!

You don't have to "look", "act", or "be" anyone else. In fact, it is your duty to be yourself in your leadership. So many women I work with feel like they can't be themselves as a leader. They are afraid of being classed as either  "the Barbie or the *itch". There doesn't seem to be an in between. And what if you are a spiritual woman or woman of faith? Ha! Good luck finding your role model in business.

One of my coaching programs, Align Your Brave, is aimed at helping women in leadership find their unique leadership identity. It's not about traditional leadership assessments so much as it's about shifting the mindset to creating your own identity. It moves people from "I have to perform up to everyone else's standards" to "I have to be authentic to myself." Something amazing happens when women own their own leadership identity. Usually, they meet and often, exceed external performance standards set by their organizations. Since their standards for themselves are usually higher, they align their personal, professional and spiritual selves to maximize their leadership effectiveness. 

Whether you lead one or one thousand, you are the executive. You are the leader. Own it!

So stand up (yes now) put your hands on your hips in your wonder woman pose and say out loud to yourself. 

I am the leader!

Say it again...and one more time.

How did it feel to own your leadership? Leave me comment.

If you want to align your organizational objectives with your spiritual and your personal values, so that  ALL of you work together to accomplish your organizational goals, feeling satisfied AND maximize your impact to the bottom line, schedule a complimentary strategy session with me today. It's time to stop living fragmented and Align Your Brave. Click here to schedule a time we can talk. 

The 8 Leadership Lessons My Sons Taught Me At Dinner Last Night

My sons taught me 8 valuable lessons about striving for your goals at the dinner table last night. These sages are 6 and 4 years old and their lessons were highlighted in their actions not their words. The bottom line: Your choice determines if you reach your goals or not.

photo credit: Anushruti RK via photopin cc

Let me set the scene. It was dinner time. Our kids had salad on their plates they were reluctant to eat. The deal was simple. If you eat your salad, you can have one cupcake.

I don't call this a bribe, I call it an incentive. If they don't want to eat the salad, they don't have to. We don't yell or scold or anything. They choose to eat what they are served or not however they don't get treats or another food option if they choose not to eat what's on their plates.

Son #1 slowly but surely ate the salad. Though he stopped, he keep going after being reminded of the incentive. He finished his salad and received his cupcake.

Son #2 started to eat the salad. Slowly but surely he stopped. He too was reminded of the incentive but he decided he was finished. He did not receive his cupcake.

Let's examine the lessons my sons can teach leaders when it comes to goals.

4 Lessons from Son #1

Son #1 didn't like that the goal was so far away. He had to sludge through the equivalent of a 1/2 cup of salad but he kept his eye on the proverbial prize. He was distracted and at one point gave up until he decided to come back and finish up. It took him 30 minutes to eat his salad but he did.

1. Reaching for your goals will always take you out of your comfort zone.

You can't stay safe and achieve great things. If it were possible, everyone would achieve greatness. Let me be clear, you determine what is great for you. For my kids, "great things" equaled a cupcake. Your "great thing" maybe different from someone else's "great thing" and that's fine. Resist comparing yourself to others. Great things always requires stretching. 

2. You may not like the taste of what you have to ingest to reach your goals.

I see this with my clients all the time. They want the goal but once we start diving into who you have to become or what you have to do in order to get it, they begin to back peddle. Since we know reaching for your goals requires stretching, it will mean you will be uncomfortable. The good news is that's normal. You have to get used to greatness. It has to grow on you and it may not taste good at first.

3. Time is up to you.

I was reading the biblical story about the children of Israel's entrance into the promised land. Did you know it was an 11 day journey from enslavement in Egypt to the promised land? Yet it took them 40 years to get there. Most people scoff the Israelites because it took them so long but how many of us are going around the same mountain? The time it takes to accomplish your goals is up to you doing the necessary work. It took son #1 30 minutes but he got there. It takes as long as it takes. Being first is not always the point.

4. Attitude elongates or hastens the perception of time.

Both of my sons had a bad attitude about eating veggies. This attitude made dinner drag on forever. In truth, not much time had passed but it felt like much longer to all of us. Once son#1 decided to make eating his veggies a game, he was done before he knew it. The lesson here is that you perception becomes your reality. You can find ways to make mundane yucky things palpable. To illustrate this point, Marshall Goldsmith, executive coach to Fortune 500 CEOs, often describes two flight attendants. Both are on the same flight, wear the same uniform, and use the equipment. The difference between a flight that lasts forever and one that was great is the attitude of the attendants. 

4 Lessons from Son #2

Son#2 didn't like that the goal was so far away either. He came very close to finishing but decided not finish. He was distracted by other things and decided it was a better use of this his time to be excused and go play.

1. Go as far as you can.

When you go as far as you can, you've already gone farther than you ever have. Eating a little bit of veggies is better than eating none. Often we are so obsessed with achieving the goal that we forget to see the successes along the way. Many of my clients are recovering perfectionists. I am too. Their perfectionism has robbed them of a lifetime of accomplishments. They don't recognize, much less celebrate, their progress. Go as far as you can and you when you do you will find something to celebrate along the way.

2. Choose your goal carefully.

Did you pick your goal or did someone pick it for you? So many of the women I work with feel like they are living a life chosen for them. If you carefully select your own goal, you are far more likely to keep going when the going gets tough. I chose the incentive for son#2, had I given the choice to choose, perhaps he would have done what was required. You are in control of your choices so choose carefully.

3. Choose where you spend your time.

Son#2 decided to spend the little time he had after dinner playing with the car he got for his birthday. He didn't want to stay at the table drudging through lettuce, carrots, and red cabbage. When we are pursuing a goal we have to make choices about where to spend our time and energy. 

4. Pivoting is not the same as giving up.

When you stop doing something to do something that is better for you, that is not giving up, it's pivoting. I'll admit at first I was disappointed my son didn't finish his salad. But when I looked at his plate and saw he ate 99% of it, it was clear he didn't give up. He just made a different choice. In her book Pivot Points, leadership consultant Julia Tang Peters describes the five pivotal decision points that define a leader. One of those decisions is the turning point decision. The turning point is a decision that alters your course. My son pivoted from the course that would land him a cupcake and onto the course that would allow him the freedom to pick what he wanted. He didn't give up in a defeatist attitude. He pivoted. It takes far more courage to pivot than to give up. Don't beat yourself up for not finishing what you started. Be BRAVE and pivot. 

There you have it folks! The 8 lessons my sons taught us about leadership. 

Which lesson spoke to you the most?

3 Ways to Effectively Lead the Knowledge Worker

photo credit: cybrarian77 via photopin cc

Leading in the "Knowledge Worker" era requires a different set of skills than in times gone by. Are you ready?

A knowledge worker is defined as a person whose job involves handling or using knowledge. In other words, they "think for a living". The father of modern management, Peter Drucker, first coined the term around 1959. Knowledge workers have always been among us i.e. doctors, teachers, lawyers, professors, architects, and scientists. Yet the 21st century leader must understand and adapt to leading "new" knowledge workers. Social media specialist, analysts, software developers, app developers etc. New titles and new names means new expectation and new standards.

It used to be that knowledge workers were not the majority. During the industrial age skilled manual labor workers were more prevalent. Not so anymore. " Now, anywhere from 25% to 50% of jobs require people to create, use, and share knowledge." source The bachelor's degree is like the high school diploma. It is considered the minimum for most knowledge worker jobs.

The leader of the future must understand who knowledge workers are and how to lead them. I was listening to an interview with famous executive coach Marshall Goldsmith. When discussing knowledge workers and the leader, he stated pointedly, "They know more than you do." For high achieving smart leaders, this can be a problem. Issues of ego and being rubbed the wrong way will come up. It used to be the person who knew the most about the job was promoted to leadership. That person could then tell other what to do and how to do it. The new age of leadership can't be sustained on that archaic idea. 

It is now expected that leaders are not the ones who are technically the smartest, they are the ones who are "people smart". Leaders in the knowledge worker era must know and understand the dynamics in this era and also have the skills to lead well.

How to lead knowledge workers:

A Free Copy of My New eBook is Waiting for You!

It is live and available free to you my lovely blog readers. Go get it. Click here.

What will you learn in this eBook:

• a paradigm shift in how you need to view your mistakes so they don't defeat you but empower you.

• 7 mistakes that hinder women in their leadership effectiveness.

• the way each of these mistakes is hurting you and the people who work for or with you.

• a simple fix to these mistakes.

• 3 case studies of how my clients were committing these problems and what they did to overcome them.

• what to do next to have a leadership career that is aligned with your organization and your calling.

Click HERE to get your copy today. The eBook is short on purpose so you can't say you don't have time.  

This eBook is not for everyone. This eBook is for you if you're a woman:

• in leadership in the workplace.

• who wants to be in leadership in the workplace.

• who's tired of second guessing herself as a leader.

• who's ready to align her career and her calling.

• who is ready to see better RESULTS in her work.

• with some grit, nerve, or boldness.

I tell it to you straight and with love. There are things you are doing that are making it harder for you to advance and been seen as the confident leader you know you can be. There are things that are keeping you from seeing the results in your team and initiatives. You can easily stop them and start seeing the progress you want.

Click here to claim your free copy today!

Communication Mistake #3: Not Protecting Your Time

If time is infinite then why does it seem like we never have enough of it?

My new e-Book goes live Aug 1 and I thought I'd share with you one of the mistakes I see women in leadership make when it comes to the issue of time.

As I was sitting here reflecting on this summer, I've celebrated an anniversary. I've celebrated my oldest's birthday. And school will be starting before I know it. Time flew. At the beginning of the summer of was determined our family was not going to be busy this summer. I was not going to sign my kids up for a lot of VBS or day camps. I wanted us to enjoy each other's company and bond as a family.

Well you can't make a goal like that and not be tested. It was tested. I had to say no to activities (good activities mind you) in order to protect the decision I made of not being too busy.

I share this with you on the eve of my eBook launch because one of the communication mistakes I see women in leadership make is not protecting their time.

I have yet to work with a client who does not have an issue with time. We feel like we just don't have time to fit it all in, right?

I disagree. I have been living by the following mantra all summer and I love what it has done for my attitude and my energy. The mantra is: 

"There is always enough time to do what is important."

That is the mental shift I needed to make and reinforce when I felt like things were getting out of hand. In every day, there is always enough time to do what is important. I firmly believe that. The key is defining what is important. 

My faith, my family, my health, and my business are important. When I defined what activities corresponded to keeping those 4 pillars paramount, I had time EVERY DAY to do them. I admit I was shocked.

In my eBook I say, "Don't find time. Make it" because how you live each day is a choice. It is time to stop being thrown into a tail spin by whatever pops up. It is time to examine those misplaced obligations. It is time to be purposeful about how we use the time allotted to us. 

So let's do an activity that I do with my clients called "The First 5". 

Picture your calendar right now.Take note of what it feels like to see it stuffed full of stuff. Now, take the magic eraser and clear it off. Take note of what it feels like to have it completely clear. Next, ask yourself as you stare at the blank calendar: What are the first 5 things I want to add back? Take note of what it feels like to have those 5 things on your calendar first!

This activity shows you that YOU are in control of what goes on your calendar. It also reveals what is really important to you. Even if you can't come up with 5, the items you put on the calendar indicate their importance in your life.

My brand new e-book goes live tomorrow! I am so excited! 

Would you like a FREE copy?

All you have to do is subscribe to my new "BRAVE Unlimited" e-newsletter. 

When you subscribe to BRAVE Unlimited, you'll not only get a FREE copy of my e-book but you'll also get:

• personal notes and inspiration from me,
• news of products or services, 
• case studies,
• articles about women in leadership, 
• book summaries
• and more.

I promise I won't bombard your inbox. I sincerely want to connect to the women who believe they are called to leadership in the workplace. I am here to stir up your call and give you the tools, structure, and support you need to fulfill that call. 

Though the e-book is not available yet, you can SUBSCRIBE NOW to the newsletter. When the e-book goes live August 1, you'll automatically get it.

As a bonus, if you subscribe before August 1, I will offer you a FREE 30 minute AWAKEN your Brave strategy session. You will walk away from that session knowing exactly what is stopping you from being the leader you want to be now and what you can do about it right now and what specific things you can do now to see the change you want. 

Subscribe now if you know you are called into leadership and you want to completely fulfill that purpose.

Are You Presenting Insecurity?

photo credit: One Candle Photos via photopin cc

In the medical field, doctors diagnose disease based on how the symptoms "present". They say, " the patient presents symptoms of malaria." The word "present" means to show up as. It means the patient is displaying signs of a ailment, infection, or disease. 

In your leadership, do you present the symptoms of insecurity? Could someone diagnose you with insecurity based on the symptoms you present?

Let me explain why I am bringing this up. Shortly after a coaching session with a client, her boss sought me out. He was very pleased with the outcome he saw from that session. He then said something that prompted this post. He went on to say how happy he was to see her "that confident" because "she is insecure and has no reason to be."

Would your boss say the same about you? What about your employees? Customers? Colleagues?

Her boss didn't believe in her insecurities, he believed in her strengths and was finally happy to see her believing in them too. 

You are a capable, talented, and performing woman. But are you "presenting" to others that you don't believe in yourself? 

What Is Insecurity?

According to Wikipedia insecurity is a "feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable or inferior in some way, or a sense of vulnerability or instability which threatens one's self-image or ego."

What Causes Insecurity?

There are many causes of insecurity but one devotional I came across summed them up nicely.

• Feeling unaccepted or rejected
• Traumatic experiences
• Poor self image
• Feeling overshadowed by others
• A series of failures

In her article, The Tradegy of Insecurity In Leadership, Lisa Pitrelli, made a simple yet poignant observation on the origin of insecurity.

"Insecurity blossoms when we hold on to a failure or loss that we experience and then internalize as “unworthiness.” We think we’re unworthy of success or respect, of that raise or promotion, or worse, of love. Instead of understanding the failure or loss and forgiving others and ourselves in order to move through it and past it, we hold it and all of its toxicity." 

Toxicity has a way of leaking out. That's why you might be "presenting" insecurity.

How To Stop Presenting Insecurity 

To be fair, everyone has some level of insecurity. And just because one "presents" insecurity, doesn't mean one is insecure.

If you have the goal to be a more competent and to be seen as less insecure by your leaders, those you lead, and your peers, then there are probably specific actions you are doing that you need to stop.

First, find out what your doing. Getting feedback from others is critical in knowing this. We need to verify if the problems we think we have are really the problems we have. Relationships are great for giving us this type of feedback. Ask your upline, side line, and down line for feedback. Great questions to ask are. In what ways do I come across unsure of myself? What do I do that makes you wonder if I am insecure in my work?

Second, listen for the data. There will be an emotional response when you get the answer to those questions. But the act of asking them will improve you and it gives you valuable data. Insecurity is associated with actions. The answers to the questions will tell you the behaviors you do that communicate insecurity.

Third, create a strategic plan to change. Notice I didn't say change. I said create a strategic plan to change. If you change without a plan in place, you'll end up deepening your insecurity. Leaders don'e react to stimuli. Leaders respond...strategically. Create a plan where you look at the data, evaluate where you want to go, where you need to go, what you need to do to get there, and the why behind all of it.

I am almost finished with my new e-book, 7 Communication Mistakes Women In Leadership Make. The premise for the book is simple. Our behaviors communicate a lot about us. Are your behaviors communicating what you want? Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are not the enemy. The enemy is doing nothing about the mistakes once you realize you make them. Fixing the mistakes, not just knowing they exist, is what separates good leaders from outrageously great leaders.

You want to be outrageously great. You don't want a "but" behind you accolades, you want a period.You don't want people to say 

"She is great, but...". 

You want people to say, 

"She is great." 

Period.

Let me be clear about why I am challenging you this way. I struggled with my decision to work exclusively with women because I didn't want to be seen as a femi-nazi. I also didn't want to be seen as a pusher. That is one who tries to convince women to take on roles or shoot for positions they don't really want just to further the cause of female empowerment and equality. That's not me at all.

My message is for the woman who knows deep down that God has called her into leadership in the workplace for specific purpose. She may be scared to step into that calling. Or she may be in leadership but is not seeing the impact she desires and thus questioning that calling. Sometimes our calling gets buried in deadlines, employee conflict, family tension, poor performance, and yes, insecurities. No matter how deep that call is buried, my goal as a coach is to help women AWAKEN that call again, align their behaviors, see results, and leave a legacy.

You know your leadership call is connected to something greater than yourself, but if you keep presenting symptoms of disease, whether you have them or not, your impact will be stifled. You will be frustrated and you will mismanage the call.

There are very specific steps you can take to stop them right now.

My e-book will be available August 1, 2014 and it will be available FREE when you subscribe to my new "BRAVE Unlimited" e-newsletter. 

When you subscribe to BRAVE Unlimited, you'll not only get a FREE copy of my e-book but you'll be getting:

• personal notes and inspiration from me,
• news of products or services, 
• case studies,
• articles about women in leadership, 
• book summaries
• and more.

I want to connect to the women who believe they are called to leadership in the workplace. I am here to stir up your call and give you the tools you need to fulfill that call. 

Though the e-book is not available yet, you can SUBSCRIBE NOW to the newsletter. When the e-book goes live August 1, you'll automatically get it. 

No more "presenting" insecurity. Present what you truly are instead. Called. Capable. Outrageously great. Period.

As a bonus, if you subscribe before August 1, I will offer you a FREE 30 minute AWAKEN your Brave strategy session. You will walk away from that session knowing exactly what is stopping you from being the leader you want to be now and what you can do about it right now. Not tomorrow. What specific things you can do now to see the change you want. 

Subscribe now if you know you are called into leadership and you want to completely fulfill that purpose.

The BIG Mistake Women Make When They Get Busy

You could probably list three things that are important to you, yet  despite their importance, when you get busy they are usually the first things to suffer.

I can relate. As I have been growing my business, my to do list got long. I mean really long. I am excited about the new things I am planning but they will require a lot of work on the back end. 

As you know some projects, be they new, on-going, or going poorly, require a lot of attention. So we tell ourselves that some things in life will have to be neglected for a little while in order to keep up.

As I started to list the things that I could neglect, I noticed they all had the same thing in common. They all were all things instrumental in helping me become the person I feel called to be.

Wait a second! Why am I so willing to sacrifice stuff first? 

It was because I had a pesky limiting belief lurking in the recesses of my mind...and I wonder if it is lurking in yours. 

What are limiting beliefs? Limiting beliefs are ways of thinking that dictate our actions, usually in a restricted or limited manner. They keep us from seeing alternate possibilities. 

This particular limiting belief stated: If something or someone has to give, it should be me or what I like to do.

Women think this way because we conditioned to be considerate of others.

Out of balance, this is harmful destructive thinking. It leads to a countless number of women who outwardly are happily working or serving but are inwardly bitter, resentful, and deflated. 

Does that describe you?

Three signs this limiting belief is alive and kicking in your life

1. When you automatically start thinking how to rearrange your schedule to accommodate others.

2. When you feel mad that others aren't as considerate as you are.

3. When you are willing to sacrifice things that are important to you for fear of inconveniencing others

Most women operate from this limited belief all the time. In fact, if you are a parent, this limited belief is heralded as good parenting (but that's a topic for another day).

How does this belief show itself at work?

You have a big project coming up. You are, either directly or indirectly, asked to put in more hours. You begin to stay later. You miss your workouts. You eat fast food at your desk to keep the momentum going. You spend your weekends working. You skip your Sunday morning worship experience (just this once) to get ahead. You tell your kid you can't make her game because you have to work. While you are working hard, you feel resentful, guilty, and proud all at the same time. Then you feel guilty because you kinda like the fast paced, go get'em action your are exhibiting right now. 

But what happens if this project lasts longer than a week or two? Will you still feel the same. Can you sustain that for a month, 6 months, a year, or 3 years?

How are you going to sustain this pace over a long haul when you have systematically cut out all the things that energize, focus, and refresh you? 
It just doesn't make sense.

How you conquer this limiting belief and regain your power

First, list your values and them rank them.

Then, check to see if the way you spend your time is align with our ranked values.

Last, be brave enough to do something about it. If they don't align, change! If they do align, be brave enough to put protective measures in place.

I went through the same process. I love my work. I love the ways I get to witness people, especially women, grow in confidence and execution. But in order for me to do my work at my optimal level, I can not sacrifice all the things that refresh, energize, and cause creativity in me...and neither can you!

I love to nap in the afternoon. Naps refresh me. Some think it is a little weird that I schedule my nap times. I need them. When things get busy, my naps were the first things I used to sacrifice. 

Once I identified that limiting belief and adjusted myself, I started napping again on purpose. I embraced all the quirky little facts about myself, like my naps, and they no longer became a secret symbol of shame. They became the latest way I was embracing my brave...or embracing my values. 

Do you know what happened when I did that? I GOT MORE DONE!

My attention wasn't divided. My emotions weren't divided. I was focused because I knew I was working in alignment. 

What would working in alignment look like for you?

If you are ready to set your values and make sure you are working in alignment, contact me for a FREE "Awaken Your Brave" strategy session. Click here to schedule that.

5 Ways to STOP Overthinking!

Leaders must make decision but often too many overthink those decisions. Overthinking is a condition where people think too long and too hard about a decision that needs to be made. Are you guilty of doing that? If you are, here are 5 tips to help you to get your mind under control and move into action.

Photo Credit

Before I share those tips, allow me to share with you my most recent excursion in overthinking. I spent the last few months working on a new marketing plan for my business. I have been doing a lot of things behind the scenes to grow my business. Growth requires decisions.

It also means that I have spent many days and nights overthinking certain decisions. For example, I spent a full 30 days, yes, a full month trying to decide if I should narrow my niche. The type of clients I usually attract are women in leadership who are faith and family focused.  No matter the industry, I attract women who know it is there call to be in leadership in their for profit or non-profit work place. They seek to answer their call without sacrificing their faith or their family (fur babies included).

It seemed very evident that by targeting that type of client, I could better serve her. I could better tailor my message to reach her. And I would get the most enjoyment out of helping her.

But it seemed simple enough but it wasn't. My overthinking mind began to spiral out of control.

...if I focus on women in leadership will people think I am a femi-nazi?

...if I focus on women of faith will I alienate those who don't profess a faith?

...if I focus on building my coaching business will I miss opportunities to sell my training programs?

Have you ever gone through a similar process of questioning and re-questioning yourself until your head hurts, your heart is heavy, and you just want to crawl under the covers and not come out?

The problem with overthinking is that we can't recognize its debilitating effects on us. One University of Michigan psychology professor found that overthinking in women leads to depression, the inability to move forward, and poor emotional health.

We erroneously think that we are doing our "due diligence" by thinking a thing to death. But we aren't. 

Overthinking magnifies a problem so much that the solution is nearly impossible to see. TWEET

I was stuck for a month on this decision. Then I implemented these 5 steps to get out of my rut.

5 Ways to STOP over-thinking

Distract yourself

If you tend to overthink, once you get in the habit it is hard to get out. Distractions are a great way to change your perspective. We tend to think that we have to trudge through the muck and mire of mental clutter until we come out on the other side. That's not true. The longer we walk in the mental clutter, the longer we stay, and the deeper we sink.

Distract yourself. Change locations. Go for a walk with someone and don't talk about your decision. I find being in nature helps me simply.

Think about what could go well

Overthinking is a form of worry. Do you usually worry about what can go well?No! We worry about the bad stuff. The unknown, the fearful, the frightening things. Force yourself to think about what could go well. 

What life changing, God-honoring, destiny-fulfilling change could happen as a result of this decision? What benefit will it bring to you? Your work? Your family? Your calling? The answers to those questions will lift your spirits 

Act quickly

The result of overthinking is inaction. I read somewhere (wish I could find it to give him or her proper credit) that overthinking is a habit that is probably formed as a defense mechanism to the possibility of failing. In other words, it is a delay tactic.

Making decisions quickly is a skill set that every leader needs to be comfortable executing. If your like me, there are some decision you have no problem making quickly. Then there are others that challenge you. So in order to avoid the supposed negative consequence, you delay.

Acting immediately will put an end to the overthinking downward spiral. Make a decision based on the best information you have, based on your core values, and your organizations mission. Then let it go. Determine to learn from whatever happens next. 

 

Talk Back

Don't be a victim of your thoughts. Just because you thought it, doesn't mean you have to own it. One scripture says that we have the ability to take thoughts captive and make them obedient. Image a negative thought comes in, you put that thought in a "holding cell". You examine it to see if it should be allowed into your precious thought space. If found wanting, you turn it away. If found favorable, you let it in.

You can talk back to the thoughts you have to remind yourself that they aren't automatically accepting them. 

Get help

You've heard the term "Can't see the forest for the trees". It means you are so consumed by the details that you can not see the bigger picture. This is a sure sign that you are overthinking. When that happens, it is best to get help. 

Seek out a person, like a coach, to help you find your way back. Notice I didn't say seek out a friend. A friend is more apt to tell you what you should do. They'll see you in "pain" and want to help alleviate it as quickly as possible. While it might be tempting to take the proffered advice, it will only increase your anxiety...because you'll overthink whether you should have taken said advice.

A good coach is skilled at helping you find your own way and giving the tolls so that if you go there again, you can find your way out. 

Let yourself off the hook. Overthinking is a habit and it can be changed. It takes effort but it can be done. I did every single one of these steps to help me. Some of the steps I had to do repeatedly. But now I have a process I can use to help me overcome ovethinking. 

What do you do to stop yourself from overthinking?

Need help finding a way to stop overthinking? Click here for a FREE 20 minute consultation. 

Special Offer: You Can Finally Have That Difficult Conversation...Here's How

Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high is a best selling book with over 2 million copies sold. 

Why would a book about having difficult conversations be a best seller? 

After decades of Jerry Springer and reality television, it is clear that people don't know how to disagree without drama, name calling, or harboring hatred.

From the shooting of Arizona House Representatives to bullied students turning violent to political protests turning into violent mobs, it is evident that there is a conversation crisis in this nation.

Why are so many people turning violent? One reason is people have not learned how to release the pressure valve before it explodes.

So many people keep emotions bottled up. Small fires unchecked turn into blazing infernos which can't be recalled once unleashed.

Forget the other person for a minute, they are important and we'll get to them later, but focus on yourself for a minute.

Think about that person who annoys. Is it your boss, coworker, spouse, child, friend or parent? Now ask yourself why haven't you had that conversation. 

• Do you tell yourself its no big deal...yet talk about it about with other people?
• Do you tell yourself you are going to "rise above it"...yet never do because it always weighs you down?
• Do you find it exhausting to even think about where to begin because it has bothered you for so long?
• Do you find yourself wishing you could avoid that person...even though you know you need them?

I see you nodding your head yes. We've all been there. Myself included.

Now check in with your body. How do you feel when you think about that situation, the answers to those questions, or the situation?

I would imagine you feel weighed down and tired. Aren't you tired of feeling that way? Aren't you tired of sweeping it under the rug?

If you don't learn how to have and deliver that conversation in a productive way, you'll explode at the oddest moment over the smallest thing. Maybe you've tried talking to them before, did represent yourself as best as you could?

The authors of Crucial Conversations ( Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillian and Al Switzler) actually say that when the stakes are the highest we tend to act the worst.

In order to regain your energy and freedom, you need to have a conversation. 

And not just any conversation, a conversation that allows you to be the mature, skilled, and respectful person you are.

Now let's turn your attention to the other person. Do they even know they are annoying you, causing you stress or acting in a way that is unproductive? 

We are relationship with people because we get to help each other grow. Did you ever think that your caring, well planned, drama free feedback could the crucial turning point in that person's development?

You owe it to yourself and the other person to be BRAVE enough to have a difficult conversation.

But you don't have to do it alone.

Books like Crucial Conversations are chocked full of great tips. I highlye recommend you read it.

I suspect, though, what you really need is coach who can help you tailor all the expert knowledge into a doable action plan that's right for you.

I'd like to help you with that.

For the next two weeks (offer expires June 30, 2014) I am offering 15 sixty minute phone coaching session called BRAVE Conversations where you and I will:

• Narrow down exactly what you want to say
• Discover what you NEED to say and why
• Plan and outline the conversation so you are clear, respectful, and honest... not whiny or emotional
• Practice exactly how it should be delivered 
• Increase you confidence and eliminate your anxiety

This limited time special offer is deeply (I mean deeply) discounted at $50 per session.

I can only do 15 of these so click here to reserve your spot. Don't wait. They will go quickly. Reserve your spot today.

Come on, isn't it time you stop hiding? Free yourself. I will walk right beside you to help clear the clutter and help you get to the heart of the matter.

You can do it.  Let me help!

Go to website now (before you talk yourself out of it) and reserve your spot now!