Do you have Imposter Syndrome? Take the quiz to find out.

Do you have imposter syndrome? Take this quiz and find out:

1. Do you chalk your success up to luck, God, timing, or computer error?
2. Do you believe “If I can do it, anybody can”?
3. Do you agonize over even the smallest flaws in your work?
4. Are you crushed by even constructive criticism, seeing it as evidence of your “ineptness?”
5. When you do succeed, do you secretly feel like you fooled them again?
6. Do you worry that it’s just a matter of time before you’re “found out?”

If you answered yes to these questions then according to one article, you are in good company. 

11 Unusual Disguises of Fear

My youngest son will be wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume and my oldest will wear a Pirate costume to the church Fall Harvest party this month. There are super cute costumes, but no matter how much green make up we put on my youngest or how deeply we color in a beard on my oldest's face, my husband and I will always recognize them. There costumes will never keep us from knowing who they really are.

Did you know fear can wear costumes? Some of fear's costumes are so well clothed in your own skin that you don't recognize it as a foreign body at all. Fear is much more of a chameleon. Fear can take on the costumes of other emotions, thoughts, and physical problems so seamlessly that you'd never recognize it.

Photo Credit: Giovanni 'jjjohn' Orlando via Compfight cc 

Fear boldly masquerades as so many things for one single purpose: survival. If fear kept it's most common form, a distinct feeling of dread or doom, then we'd just learn how to overcome that fear and it would forever be vanquished. So in order to ensure it's survival it became a master of disguise. Iyanla Vanzant once said,

"Fear wears so many clever disguises it is virtually impossible to always recognize it. Fear disguises itself as the need to be somewhere else, doing something else, not knowing how to do something or not needing to do something." 

Since you can never conqueror what you can never identify, let's pull the mask off of some of fear's costumes.

Fear can masquerade as:

Own Your Leadership...Here's How!

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the hard decision I made to invest in myself. Read Why Women Don't Invest In Themselves. Despite the difficulty, I did it. Next week I am going to my first professional development conference as CEO of BRAVE Communication. I am excited and nervous. This particular conference asked you to choose your track. Executive, manager, contributor etc. There are different break out groups designed for the different positions women  hold within their organizations.

I was talking to my husband about it which track I should choose. It was obvious to him but it took me a minute to own it. Then it hit me. Duh! 

"I am an Executive, therefore I choose the Executive track."

That statement both empowered and frightened me. Have you ever felt that way? You know you are in charge, in leadership, but there are times when actually saying or taking actions that prove it seem a little...well, weird?

One of the reasons women in leadership don't own their leadership is because they don't see themselves as leaders. In their own minds eye, they don't fit their own image of what leaders look like or do. Since we know ourselves so well, we know we aren't fearless or direct or very _____(fill in the blank with whatever you think the perfect leader is). For a long time, my image of leadership was an older white man in navy blue blazer, starched white button downed shirt, khaki colored slacks, and those brown loafers with the two tassels on them. 

Well I'm a young (at least I think so) black woman who likes warm colors and hates buttoned down shirts. Clearly my "image of leadership" wasn't helping me. So I got rid of that old image and replaced it with my own.

As an executive coach, one of the BRAVE mindset shifts I help my clients realize is that leadership looks like you.

I'll say it again: Leadership looks like you!

You don't have to "look", "act", or "be" anyone else. In fact, it is your duty to be yourself in your leadership. So many women I work with feel like they can't be themselves as a leader. They are afraid of being classed as either  "the Barbie or the *itch". There doesn't seem to be an in between. And what if you are a spiritual woman or woman of faith? Ha! Good luck finding your role model in business.

One of my coaching programs, Align Your Brave, is aimed at helping women in leadership find their unique leadership identity. It's not about traditional leadership assessments so much as it's about shifting the mindset to creating your own identity. It moves people from "I have to perform up to everyone else's standards" to "I have to be authentic to myself." Something amazing happens when women own their own leadership identity. Usually, they meet and often, exceed external performance standards set by their organizations. Since their standards for themselves are usually higher, they align their personal, professional and spiritual selves to maximize their leadership effectiveness. 

Whether you lead one or one thousand, you are the executive. You are the leader. Own it!

So stand up (yes now) put your hands on your hips in your wonder woman pose and say out loud to yourself. 

I am the leader!

Say it again...and one more time.

How did it feel to own your leadership? Leave me comment.

If you want to align your organizational objectives with your spiritual and your personal values, so that  ALL of you work together to accomplish your organizational goals, feeling satisfied AND maximize your impact to the bottom line, schedule a complimentary strategy session with me today. It's time to stop living fragmented and Align Your Brave. Click here to schedule a time we can talk. 

Do It Afraid

I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.

 ~Nelson Mandela

photo credit: JuanRax via photopin cc

One of my favorite affirmations these days is "do it afraid". I have been telling myself this for a long time. Especially here of late. Last Friday, I published my first eBook 7 Communication Mistakes Women In Leadership Make. Even though I know it is 25 pages of helpful advice and tips for women looking to go beyond their current level of achievement, I still felt afraid.


I was afraid of how it might be received. I was afraid that it was still filled with errors that my editors and I missed. I was afraid that no one would be interested in reading it. But most of all,  I was afraid of what  publishing it meant for me. It meant I was taking a stand for myself and my business. I wrote it. I published it. It is my experience and knowledge on those pages. It represents everything my Executive coaching business is about. And publishing that book was a major investment in believing in myself. The eBook is the beginning of a new stage in my business. And deep down, I was wondering if I would be successful.

Have you ever been on the precipice of something major? A decision that you knew would change the course of your life? A decision that would make or break your character, career, or, reputation? A decision that you would look back on one day and say," that was the day when everything changed?"

What is going on in your life right now that has you scared? You know you need to make a change but the fear of doing so is almost overwhelming? Are you working at your optimal level or are you afraid to step up your game? 

Here's what happened to me. I almost decided to scrap the whole eBook idea. But deep down my spirit was telling me that if I didn't step up now, I would I miss a major opportunity to change my life for the better.

So I did it afraid. I did it afraid because I realized that I am called to something greater. I know there are women who are assigned to work with me professionally. I know there are women who need to read these words of encouragement. Just because I don't know all the details, doesn't mean I can shrink back from my assignment.

Guess what girlfriend, it's time you do it afraid. You want to advance in your career. You know there are people who are called to be under you leadership. You know that there is a greater level of influence you are called to make in your organization. Since that's the case, then I have three words for you: DO...IT...AFRAID!

You have to stop playing small. Some people are called to small (and there is nothing wrong with that) but you are not one of those people. You are called to greater things. Greater things in your work, in your family, community, government, or circle of influence.

How to "do it afraid"?

1. Admit you feel fear. 
2. Focus on the greater goal that's bigger than you. 
3. Act immediately

The benefits of "doing it afraid" are many and include

1. Doubling your confidence
2. Proving that you can overcome your fear
3. Proving to yourself that fear is not in charge of you
4. Expanding your skill set and knowledge
5. You impact other people's lives in a greater way

"Good things in life come to those who take risks. If you avoid any new experiences then you are missing out on the best that life has to offer. The longer that you wait, procrastinate, or cower in fear, the more “comfortable” you are getting with the status quo…and that’s not a very fun place to be" says accountability coach Anne Bachrach in her article The Benefits of Doing Something Uncomfortable

So what is that thing you want to do at work that you "need to do afraid"? Is it ask your boss for a raise? Confront someone? Present that idea that you've been burying? Apply for that promotion? Finish that project?

Let me know. I would love to support and cheer you on as you "do it afraid". The truth is, the more you do it afraid, you'll focus less on the afraid part and focus more on the great accomplishment of doing. Go get it!



Click HERE to download your FREE copy of my eBook 7 Communication Mistakes Women in Leadership Make 

A Free Copy of My New eBook is Waiting for You!

It is live and available free to you my lovely blog readers. Go get it. Click here.

What will you learn in this eBook:

• a paradigm shift in how you need to view your mistakes so they don't defeat you but empower you.

• 7 mistakes that hinder women in their leadership effectiveness.

• the way each of these mistakes is hurting you and the people who work for or with you.

• a simple fix to these mistakes.

• 3 case studies of how my clients were committing these problems and what they did to overcome them.

• what to do next to have a leadership career that is aligned with your organization and your calling.

Click HERE to get your copy today. The eBook is short on purpose so you can't say you don't have time.  

This eBook is not for everyone. This eBook is for you if you're a woman:

• in leadership in the workplace.

• who wants to be in leadership in the workplace.

• who's tired of second guessing herself as a leader.

• who's ready to align her career and her calling.

• who is ready to see better RESULTS in her work.

• with some grit, nerve, or boldness.

I tell it to you straight and with love. There are things you are doing that are making it harder for you to advance and been seen as the confident leader you know you can be. There are things that are keeping you from seeing the results in your team and initiatives. You can easily stop them and start seeing the progress you want.

Click here to claim your free copy today!

Why Women Don't Invest in Themselves

Do you have a problem investing (money) in something for yourself?

photo credit: Surat Lozowick via photopin cc

If you have an issue, investing in your professional development, there might be a limiting belief lurking. Earlier this week, I wrote about the limiting belief that was lurking in my mind and probably yours too. It was really good. Click here to read that. 

Recently, I came face to face with this issue and wanted to share it with you.


I decided I wanted to go to a conference. I searched and found a conference I wanted to attend. The registration fee was affordable. The speakers and break out panelists were appealing. The location was nice. The date was clear on my calendar. I looked at my budget and I could cover it. The hotel, registration, and plane ticket.

Then I started overthinking. Would I really benefit from it? What if the speakers, most of whom I didn't know, turned out to be duds? What if there is an emergency that will pop up and I'll need that money? How could I spend that much money on myself?

It was as if I was trying to talk myself out of going. I had all the green lights and it almost seemed too easy to go. 

Do you experience this kind of thinking when you are considering investing money in yourself?

I went through this same experience when I decided I wanted to sign up personal training lessons. I have always wanted to do it but never did because of the money. How could I spend that much money on myself?

When it comes to this struggle, the good news is that we are not alone. The bad news is that not many women are brave enough to do something about it.

Kathy Caprino, career coach and Forbes.com contributor, wrote an article called The Top 5 Reasons Women Resist Investing In Themselves And How It Is Hurtting Them . Go read it.

One of the reasons she lists includes:

The fear the money should be used for their families or others.
" Finally, woman after woman has shared her guilt, shame and worry that perhaps she should not spend this sum of money on herself, but put it towards others (her children, the house, etc.) instead. "

That's were I was. Have you been there?

When I talk to women about investing in coaching for themselves they love the idea of the work we can do but resist investing in doing it. 

5 Reasons Women Don't Invest In Themselves, according to organizational psychologist, Judi Pears include thoughts like: 

1. I'm not sure it is the right time
2. I am not sure what I want
3. I think I am not good enough
4. I am scared of success
5. I don't think I deserve it 

Why did I search for a conference to attend in the first place? I recognize that to get to the level I want to go, I have to surround myself with people who also want to go there. I have to learn new things. I have to do new things.

If you want something you've never had, you have to do something that you've never done.

The Danger of NOT Investing In Yourself

You've heard birds of a feather flock together. It was time I began to find my flock. If I am networking with like minded people it will help me grow. If I am taking the time to hear about the latest struggles in my niche, it strengthens my marketing approach. If I am seeing myself networking with people I once found intimidating, it boosts my confidence.

What message are we sending to ourselves when we say we can't afford to invest in ourselves? 

I am not talking about you literally can't afford it. I have been there too. There was a time I couldn't afford personal training. There was a time in my business where I couldn't afford to attend a conference. Thank God I can now. So what's stopping me?

More importantly what's stopping you? If it is in the budget and you know deep down you will benefit, even if you can't pinpoint exactly how, why not do it?

By not investing in your development:

1. You reinforce your fears
Fear is comfortable. We get so used to it that we just keep it around because, well, it has always been there. We regard it as our closest "frenemy" (friend+enemy). You don't get rid of your fears by reinforcing them. You get rid of fear by disproving or confronting them. Read my post on fighting for your limitations.

2. You stifle your growth
You were never meant to be a self enclosed know it all. One of the reasons I am so passionate about healthy relationships is because I believe God gave us relationships to help us heal and grow one another. 

The very answer you are looking for might be in the head or heart of another person--a person you can only meet as you step out of your comfort zone. 

The inspiration you are looking for might be at that event or in that program you have to invest in.

Recognize your worth my dear and go for it.

What investment have you been putting off making?

Maybe you have been thinking about investing in coaching, contact me for a FREE strategy session to see if working together would be a good fit for us both. Click here to schedule your "Awaken Your Brave" strategy session.

Five Ways to Be More Authentic At Work

Ever feel like you have to check your personality at the door when you go to work? It seems being "professional" means we cannot have a sense of humor, show emotion, or uniqueness. We just have to be boring. Or do we? 

My personality is not boring. In fact, I struggle so often when writing this blog. I feel like I have to check my "personality" at the virtual door when selecting post topics. When I read over my writing most of the time, I feel like it is boring. Of course I try to offer a unique angle on the subject I choose but that doesn't seem to satisfy the inner me.

Bloggers will tell you that your blog is not about you but about what your audience wants or needs. "Give them something to come back too." So when I write, I ask myself if my readership really wants to hear what I am about to say. Does it have value that will bring you back again.

The F Word: Why You Should Embrace It

"I am staring it the face. The F Word. It is looking at me, daring me, even to respond to it. It wants to know what I am going to do. Will I cower just like in times past? I can see a smirk curl the sides of its mouth as it figures it has already won. Like a bully on the playground, it thinks it has me beat. "Any minute now", it thinks, "she is going to run away defeated."

It is a scene from those Western movies my grandmother loved to watch. 

I am facing my opponent, at high noon, in the dusty streets with sun blaring down on us both. We expect each other to reach for our guns and draw.Then I do something that completely wipes the smug little grin from its face.

I pick up my opponent and embrace it!"

The "f" word personified here is...

Learn To Be Yourself

This summer I took my kids to see Rio in theaters.

We own the DVD of the movie and have seen it hundreds of times. I thought it would be the perfect way to introduce my young children to the movie going experience without producing too much anxiety about the big screen, dim lighting, and loud sound. As the movie started, the anxiety of the unknown left my kids and they melted into the familiarity of the characters, music, and lines they knew all too well.

I too experienced the movie in a new way. 
Here are 3 ways you can learn to be yourself...Rio style!

Leaderships Lessons Learned in the Ladies' Room

Image courtesy of Keattikorn, freedigitalphotos.net

The line to the ladies room is infamously known for being long.  Most women have opened the door only to have the line meeting us there. So we wait. 

One time I entered a movie theater’s ladies room and had a different response. I entered to find a line of 5 women before me. They were chatting happily with each other and just waiting.

Instead of settling into my place at line, as usual, I had a thought. “There are close to 15 stalls in this room. Surely, they can’t all be occupied.” So I got out  of line, walked past the other ladies and went to see if indeed all the stalls where occupied. 

#Blog4Biz Day 11: What's your deepest fear?

The Living BRAVE blog re-launches on Aug 1, 2013. During July, however, I accepted the #Blog4Biz daily business blogging challenge. The challenge is designed to help business owners focus on certain aspects of blogging that will expand their skill, boost creativity, and focus their message. Initially, I wasn't going to publicly share my posts, but as I started writing these posts, I saw the value in sharing...and some of this stuff is really good!  If you want to join the challenge, click here.

Today's challenge asks a very intimate question. What are you afraid of? This Marianne Williamson's quote has been one of my favorite quotes on fear for sometime. It perfectly highlights my fear when it comes to my business.

I am afraid of succeeding!

On one hand I want BRAVE to be successful...but there is always a price to success, right? What's the price of success? Am I willing to pay it?

Once people become successful, all of sudden you are not your own. People want a piece of you. What a wonderful thing to inspire someone. But on the flip side of that, now people want your time. They think you have some magic formula for success and they want you to tell them.

What is success going to cost my marriage? My kids? My mental health?

Since we are getting deep, let me give you an insight into my background. I know this fear started in childhood so let's psychoanalyze me for a minute.

As a child, I was expected to succeed. No one ever said to me, "you'll never make it." In fact, the opposite was true. I was told, "you are going to be the one who makes it."

As a child, I learned that success had a price. I was teased for getting good grades. Somehow being smart wasn't "cool". I was teased for my diction. I was accused of "talking white" more times than I can count. I didn't get in much trouble so I was teased for being a "goodie two shoes". I kept to myself and was called "boushy" [pronounced boo-zhee] and "stuck up".

You see from an early age, my experiences taught me that being "successful" had a price. It cost me relationships. The people who mattered the most to me as a kid, either knowingly or ignorantly taught me that success brought isolation and loneliness.

So what was my response to all of this? I tried to down play all my accomplishments so as not to be different. As the quote says, "it was my light, not my darkness that frightened me most." I never thought myself better than anybody, but I lived in constant fear that someone might think I thought that way. I tried to hide any light I produced.

Starting my company was my act of rebellion against all of this fear. I had to be BRAVE enough to follow my dream despite the potential downside of "success" my past dictated could result. The last line in the quote asks "who am I not to be?" My playing small so that others don't feel bad, helps no one.

I still fear the unknown but my drive is greater than my fear so I must keep going. I have a gift, talent, and skill in my business area. I am not going to apologize for it anymore. I am going to let my light shine. Williamson goes on to observe that: 

"As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same".

I am willing to do the work to become successful, liberating myself, and YOU in the process. That is a price I am willing to pay.

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