The Most Important Skill You Are NOT Using!

I write weekly for asmithblog.com. Here is a post I hope you'll find helpful.

• Less than 2% of the world’s population has ever had any formal training in this skill.
• 64% of workplaces offer training in this skill because they find their employees are sufficiently lacking it.
• It has been identified as the top skill employers seek in entry level candidates and for promotability.
• Even though students spend most of their day doing it, this skill training is not required in university education.
• 77% of doctors do it incorrectly.

So what is this skill that so many of us are paying no attention to?

Listening

What can we do about it?

Read the full post here

The Secret To Raising Good Listeners

*On a post I wrote about listening a few weeks ago, Lexie commented:

"Listening is not only important with our spouse and co-workers, but especially with our children. How can we teach our children to be better listeners?"

It was a great question and I started to answer in the comments. I wrote a post about how to help you kids become better communicators but never addressed listening specifically. 

After quickly reaching 500 words in the comments, I thought it might be a great follow up post. Thanks Lexie for the question and the topic idea.

The secret to raising good listeners:

Listening Quotes I Love

Listening was the skill of the month for September. All month long we delved into the the why and how of listening. Addressing attitudes, using examples, and giving tips on how to become a better listener. 

Here is a recap of  the topics this month:

What listening is

Myths about listening

How to listen with your body

How listening is a way of showing respect

How poor listening could affect your health

Offered a listening quiz

Showed you how to use technology to listen

How to listen in 4 easy steps

To end our month long intensive, I wanted to share 30 quotes on listening that I love. One for each day of the month. CEOs, TV personalities, doctors, professors, researchers, and many others have seen the value of listening and commented on it. My favorites are 3, 8, 9, 19, 20, and 30 but I love them all for the different perspectives they give.

Which one is your favorite? Share in the comments

Profiles in BRAVERY: Christy Cotterman...Communication and Stress

"ProfilesInBRAVERY" is a segment that highlights everyday people using the communication skills they have to do amazing things. The world may not know their name but their bravery and skill has changed someone's world. If you know someone who should be featured, contact me. 

Name: Christy Cotterman

Title or position: Holistic Stress Management Practitioner

Business/Agency: Wholly Healing, LLC

Online presence: 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WhollyHealing

Twitter: https://twitter.com/CCotterman32

Website: http://whollyhealingexperience.com

What does a stress management practitioner do?
I help people get to the root of emotional, spiritual, and physical roadblocks to healing and get rid of them. 

Stress, no matter the form, wreaks havoc on the body, prevents people from staying present in the moment, and creates limited belief systems that influence life, work, and family decisions. When stress is left to spiral out of control, life can become difficult to manage and have debilitating effects on the mind and body. 

Emotional healing, stress management, and a healthy, holistic lifestyle can assist the body in reversing the damage of stress. I gently guide my clients through their own healing journey to find balance and a holistic lifestyle that reduces stress and increases happiness, hope, and peace.

What is the connection between stress and communication?

Listen With Your Body

photo courtesy freedigitalphotos.com

Studies suggest that 55% of our communication is body language. Only 7% of communication are the actually words. This means that your body is speaking loudly!

Being aware of and interpreting body language is a fun and fascinating science. 

The first time I met my friend Nicki, I suspected we'd get along even though she and I were quite different. In the early stages of our friendship, we enjoyed laughs over dinner, coffee, and the kids. One day, after a particularly touching conversation, I wanted to give her a hug. We were still new to each other so I asked her. "Can I give you a hug?" She looked at me puzzled…stood up…braced herself and said "Sure."

Dr. Oz on Listening

On Dr. Oz yesterday, he had a woman on the show who regularly yelled at her rambunctious brood of boys. He tested her heart rate and blood pressure to show her how her communication style was affecting her health. He actually said, "the way you are communicating to your family is literally killing you."

In this woman's defense, she wasn't a monster of a parent. Far from it. She was just a mom with active kids who don't listen. Any parent can relate. When the kids don't listen, we raise our voices to get their attention. We get frustrated and even angry. Medically measuring her body's response to this form of communication was an eye opener for her. She was putting herself at risk for a stroke!

Listening Myths And Misconceptions

The biggest hindrance to improved communication skills is misplaced focus. We tend to focus on all the other people who need to make changes instead of the changes we can make.

In 1988 when Micheal Jackson released Man in the Mirror. It was a social call to consciousness. In summary, he told us we need to be the change we want to see in the world. Take a minute to listen to the chorus in the video.

"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that change." ~Michael Jackson <<Tweet that>>

Listening Survey

Let's have some fun! Let's take a sample listening quiz. The original quiz can be found here.

Answer T for True you feel the statement describes your listening attitude or behavior. Write F for False if the statement is not descriptive of your listening behavior.

1. Generally, I control my emotions when listening to a speaker.
2. I have little difficulty paying attention to a speaker's message.
3. I always ask some questions during a lecture or training session.
4. I usually take notes during a speaker's presentation.
5. I do not get upset if a speaker's opinions are different from my own.
6. I make good eye contact with a speaker most of the time.
7. I am not easily distracted when listening to most speakers.
8. I evaluate the information given by a speaker, not the speaker himself or herself.
9. Understanding the key points of a verbal presentation is not difficult for me.
10. I respond throughout a speaker's presentation by occasionally nodding my head or smiling to reflect my agreement.
11. It is not difficult to listen to a speaker who is considerably younger than I am.
12. I listen between the lines of a presentation to identify the speaker's emotional message.
13. Prior negative learning experiences do not affect my ability to listen to a speaker.
14. The speaker's delivery and style are not as important as the message.
15. Good listening habits are related to good posture.

If you had 14 to 15 true responses, you should write a book on effective listening habits!

A score of 12 to 13 true responses generally means you're a good listener.

A score of 10 to 11 true responses means you're probably an average listener, but there is certainly room for improvement.

Fewer than 10 true responses indicates you definitely need to sharpen your listening skills.

So what was your score?

NOTE: This is a self assessment. This is your opinion about yourself. If you really want to know if you are a good listener, ask the people closest to you.What would they say?

You Can Listen Over Email: Here's How!

Courtesy of Clip Art

I focus a lot on face to face interactions but today is about electronic communication. Did you know you can actually "listen" over email?

I was feeling particularly down one night as I realized my "fat" clothes were getting too tight. I was emailing a friend who has a personal styling business. I was trying to get help on figuring out a new look.  After a long rant on how I didn't know where to begin with my new style, I concluded with this statement:


Me: I am winging it and my wings are falling off.

Alexis replied:

I totally understand! Recharging your style when we are not inspired by what's in our closets can be frustrating and no fun.... Having a signature style doesn't have to be a complete head to toe ideal look.

To get started, I'd like to propose an assignment for you. Create 2 pinterest boards based on 2 things: Looks you love and are inspired by and colors you love.....*picks up fallen wings and hands them back to you*...We will work together to make sure you don't have to worry about your wings falling off! :)

My heart melted when I read her response. Here is what she got right and what you can learn from our interaction.

Listening: What it is and Why You Should Care

When was the last time you engaged in an complicated, in depth process without giving one second's thought to preparing?

Rarely, if ever, right? 

Complicated processes need adequate attention. Yet for some reason we think listening deserves little to no attention at all when studies suggest that we spend up to 55 % our day listening or involved in listening related activities.

How to Listen in 4 Easy Steps!

My two year old son said, “Look mommy the…the…the…the…thing  on the door is white.” 

I looked to see what white “thing” is on the door. I pointed to  my robe. 

I said, “This?”

He nodded.

I said, “You’re right! The robe is white. Can you say 
robe?”

He says, “Yes, mommy the “wobe” is white”. 

I chuckled to myself at his cute mispronunciation. Then I praise him for successfully recognizing and  identifying his colors.


In the 30 seconds it took to have this whole conversation , my son and I  successfully identified the benefits of developed listening skills.

Listening Is A Human Need?

When it comes to listening, people usually want to know "how can I get people to listen to me?" 

They can site incident after incident of how a boss, coworker, or family member doesn't listen and the rift it is causing. They recognize the problem and are living testimonies of listening gone wrong. 

So here is my question. If you know first hand how frustrating it is not to be heard, then why aren't you doing all you can to make sure you aren't causing that same frustration to others? 

In this post, I talk about listening as a need and reveal 4 ways you can become a better listener.

Listening: BRAVE Brief [Video]

Transcript

Hi everyone, it's Julia Winston your BRAVE Communication consultant here with our BRAVE Brief. 

Today's topic? 

Listening: What it is. What it isn't. And Why Should You Care

On the blog this month, I am going to be diving really in depth into the skill of listening: uncovering misconceptions, fears, and giving you the skill knowledge you need to do it better.

Why?

Because Steven Covey once said "Knowing I need to listen and knowing how is not enough. Unless I have the desire, it won't be a habit in my life" <---TWEET THAT

BRAVE Communication is about giving habits that work. So

Listening IS understanding

Listening IS NOT agreement

Why should you care?

Because your attitudes and beliefs about listening will determine your effectiveness in using the skill.

We'll dive more into it this on the blog this month!

Until next time

Aim to Live BRAVE!