5 Reasons Why You Are Working Harder Than You Need To

photo credit: Jillian Corinne via photopin cc

If you ask the average person if they work hard, the responsible ones will usually say yes. But have you ever questioned whether you are working harder than necessary? 

Sure...when you are asked to redo something for a frivolous reason, or someone wastes times...sure you might think you are working harder than necessary.

Larry Page, the CEO of Google, caused a company wide, and subsequently a nation wide discussion when he said "We all might be working harder than necessary."


Have you ever really stopped to think if you are working harder than necessary?

In order to answer that question you have to be clear on one very important definition. What is necessary?

I read an article recently called Here's Why People Work Like Crazy Even When They Have Everything They Need.

Naturally I was curious. I had my ideas about why people work like crazy. Money. Prestige. To buy stuff. Retirement. But this article pointed to a study that said if given the choice, people will "forego leisure to work and earn beyond their means." The researchers call this "overearning" and said people do "mindless accumulation" just because we can.

The experiment for this hypothesis was simple. Participants were given the choice to listen to soothing music (which represent leisure) and dissonance music (which represented work). When they choose noise they received a chocolate but they couldn't eat the chocolate.  The people who "earned" more chocolate than they could eat were considered "overearners". It's an interesting study. Go read the original study here.

But back to you and my question. What is necessary? The 5 reasons people work harder than they need is based misunderstanding the definition of need.

5 Reasons You Are Working Harder Than You Need To

1. You mistake busyness for accomplishment.

Everyone is busy these days. Kids are busy. Adults are busy. And leaders are definitely busy. But busy doesn't mean you are productive or accomplishing anything. You can spend a day, month, or year on busy work that never produces lasting results. As the leader of my company, I have to be careful of this as well. I can get so busy with researching, marketing, or administrative tasks that I am not being productive in advancing the mission of BRAVE. The deception about busy work is that it feels like real work. You are doing something. But by merely doing "something" doesn't necessarily mean you are accomplishing. Take a look at your schedule. If you are constantly feeling like you wasted an entire day or more, you are trapped in this cycle.

2.You have become used to frantic and anything less feels weird.

We get used to a fast pace of life and therefore think it is the norm. If we deviate from the norm, it feels weird. Have you ever met a woman who just can't seem to relax? She is always running around doing something...and those "somethings" aren't really important tasks. Are you that woman? There is a running joke in my family about my mom. She can't NOT do something (double negative intended). If she sits down for a minute, she'll inevitably say or think "there is something I can do". Drive and ambition are great traits in a leader. But your drive and ambition has to have a greater purpose...and only you can define that purpose.

I recently went on vacation. It took a full 2 days for me to ease into the slower pace I intended. You can have a life less frantic but it won't happen by accident.

3. You have no vision for what success is.

Unless you are crystal clear about what the end looks like you'll forever strive and never arrive. That is a frustrating way to live. You have to have a clear vision for what success looks like...for you. You have to define success for yourself. That way you'll know what it looks like when you get there. When you get there you can stop striving.  With no vision, you are just aimlessly wandering about. Great leaders aren't aimless. 

4. You have no idea what enough is.

This is similar to the previous reason but it is different enough to add it separately. Enough indicates a stopping point. Having a clear definition of enough lets you know when to stop. It is a boundary issue. We all need boundaries. Defining your "enough" is putting a boundary in place so you won't waste time. What is enough? What is that number? What is that level? What is that accomplishment? If you don't know what "enough" is, you will never reach it. Think about your bank account, the pace of your life, the call on your life, the way you want to contribute in the world, and the way you like to express yourself creatively. What is "enough" to do those things? No one can define that for you. As a coach, I help my clients all the time define and then redefine enough. Enough at 25 looks completely different than enough at 45.

5. Everyone else is doing it.

Peer pressure is a powerful thing...even after you're out of your teens. I remember when I was expecting my first child. The peer pressure to buy a Britax car seat was everywhere. It had the highest safety rating. It was most recommended. All the mommy bloggers and some friends were talking about how it was the safest car seat in the world. The problem was all that safety had a price tag of close to $600. It would still get spit up, Cheez Its, and french fries stuck in its crevices just like its cheaper counterparts. I was torn. Good moms bought their kids the best, fed their kids organic homemade food, and never ever let their kids eat sugar or fast food, right?  In order to keep my sanity (and my budget) in tack, I had to let go of what everyone else was doing and find my own path. I think many women in leadership struggle with this same issue. They look at what other successful women are doing and think "she made it doing X, so I have to do that too". When I was an intern at a global manufacturing company, the intranet posted an interview of one of their only female executives at the time. The interviewer asked the woman how she managed her work life balance. The female executive blatantly said. "You don't. You can't balance it." She went on to insinuate that in order to reach her level as a woman, you have to work all the time. I was very disappointed. When I was offered a full time position from that company after my internship, I declined. Even back then, I had made up in my mind that I would not dictate my work based on what everyone else was doing. Little did I know that was a decision I would have to repeat again and again my own life.

So there you have it 5 reason you are working harder than you need to. What would you add to this list?

Are you tired of feeling like you are being pulled in a million different directions trying to satisfy other people?

I know you are. 

It is time you be BRAVE enough to decide not only what you do, but how you do it. Align your work with your calling and personal values. Define for yourself and your organization what is necessary. Doing so will help learn how to stand your ground. By doing so you can say no and say yes based on strategy not whimsy.

By doing this you can almost guarantee that you will not work harder than necessary. Just imagine how awesome that will be.

If you are ready to set your own definitions of success and start leading the way you know you are called, then schedule an FREE Awaken Your BRAVE Strategy Session with me so we can set you on a path to winning that feels right for you. Click here to schedule your 30 minute session now.

Why Women Don't Invest in Themselves

Do you have a problem investing (money) in something for yourself?

photo credit: Surat Lozowick via photopin cc

If you have an issue, investing in your professional development, there might be a limiting belief lurking. Earlier this week, I wrote about the limiting belief that was lurking in my mind and probably yours too. It was really good. Click here to read that. 

Recently, I came face to face with this issue and wanted to share it with you.


I decided I wanted to go to a conference. I searched and found a conference I wanted to attend. The registration fee was affordable. The speakers and break out panelists were appealing. The location was nice. The date was clear on my calendar. I looked at my budget and I could cover it. The hotel, registration, and plane ticket.

Then I started overthinking. Would I really benefit from it? What if the speakers, most of whom I didn't know, turned out to be duds? What if there is an emergency that will pop up and I'll need that money? How could I spend that much money on myself?

It was as if I was trying to talk myself out of going. I had all the green lights and it almost seemed too easy to go. 

Do you experience this kind of thinking when you are considering investing money in yourself?

I went through this same experience when I decided I wanted to sign up personal training lessons. I have always wanted to do it but never did because of the money. How could I spend that much money on myself?

When it comes to this struggle, the good news is that we are not alone. The bad news is that not many women are brave enough to do something about it.

Kathy Caprino, career coach and Forbes.com contributor, wrote an article called The Top 5 Reasons Women Resist Investing In Themselves And How It Is Hurtting Them . Go read it.

One of the reasons she lists includes:

The fear the money should be used for their families or others.
" Finally, woman after woman has shared her guilt, shame and worry that perhaps she should not spend this sum of money on herself, but put it towards others (her children, the house, etc.) instead. "

That's were I was. Have you been there?

When I talk to women about investing in coaching for themselves they love the idea of the work we can do but resist investing in doing it. 

5 Reasons Women Don't Invest In Themselves, according to organizational psychologist, Judi Pears include thoughts like: 

1. I'm not sure it is the right time
2. I am not sure what I want
3. I think I am not good enough
4. I am scared of success
5. I don't think I deserve it 

Why did I search for a conference to attend in the first place? I recognize that to get to the level I want to go, I have to surround myself with people who also want to go there. I have to learn new things. I have to do new things.

If you want something you've never had, you have to do something that you've never done.

The Danger of NOT Investing In Yourself

You've heard birds of a feather flock together. It was time I began to find my flock. If I am networking with like minded people it will help me grow. If I am taking the time to hear about the latest struggles in my niche, it strengthens my marketing approach. If I am seeing myself networking with people I once found intimidating, it boosts my confidence.

What message are we sending to ourselves when we say we can't afford to invest in ourselves? 

I am not talking about you literally can't afford it. I have been there too. There was a time I couldn't afford personal training. There was a time in my business where I couldn't afford to attend a conference. Thank God I can now. So what's stopping me?

More importantly what's stopping you? If it is in the budget and you know deep down you will benefit, even if you can't pinpoint exactly how, why not do it?

By not investing in your development:

1. You reinforce your fears
Fear is comfortable. We get so used to it that we just keep it around because, well, it has always been there. We regard it as our closest "frenemy" (friend+enemy). You don't get rid of your fears by reinforcing them. You get rid of fear by disproving or confronting them. Read my post on fighting for your limitations.

2. You stifle your growth
You were never meant to be a self enclosed know it all. One of the reasons I am so passionate about healthy relationships is because I believe God gave us relationships to help us heal and grow one another. 

The very answer you are looking for might be in the head or heart of another person--a person you can only meet as you step out of your comfort zone. 

The inspiration you are looking for might be at that event or in that program you have to invest in.

Recognize your worth my dear and go for it.

What investment have you been putting off making?

Maybe you have been thinking about investing in coaching, contact me for a FREE strategy session to see if working together would be a good fit for us both. Click here to schedule your "Awaken Your Brave" strategy session.

You Can Not Be A Successful You By Copying Someone Else

Ever feel like you need to take on pieces of other people's personalities, traits, or characteristics in order to be successful? Not only is that border-line schizophrenic, but it just doesn't work.

Trust me I know!

I used to think that everyone had some star quality that could make them successful. Everyone except me that is. I didn't think I had ANY that would make me successful. So I tried to copy and paste other people's drive, passion, determination, and whatever else I thought was just so cool, onto my self. What resulted was a Pablo Picasso cubism type picture of myself.

The Weeping Lady by Pablo Picasso

photo credit Wikipedia

My self image was like this painting--distorted, hard to understand, yet intriguing. Like many women, I had a hard time listing my strengths and an easy time listing my weaknesses. I was lopsided and unbalanced. 

Of course, I have strengths and weaknesses; I just needed to objectively see them both.

Are you that way? Do you worry that one day someone is going to figure out that you don't have it all together? Do you feel like you are fighting to measure up, not to an external expectation, but to your internal ones? Do you feel like there is no derogatory comment someone can make that you haven't already thought of yourself?

If that is you, then you are not alone. I was there too. I was hard on myself... and the harder the better. I thought being hard on myself would push me to be better. I thought it would give me the drive to charge forward. But it didn't. It hurt me. It curtailed my success. It kept me from going after the big job. It keep me from taking the lead. 

You can't be the best you trying to be like someone else.

Question; If you have spent your life copying and pasting parts of other people onto yourself, then who is the original you? 

Here Is Why Communication Is MY Business!

"Whether you are communicating with one person or a thousand, in this information-saturated, attention-deprived age, you need to earn the attention of your audience as quickly as possible--then hold it."  

 Nick Morgan, How to Tell Great Business Stories

In my last post I urged leaders to tell their stories to their people. It was my most popular post this year. Thank you for commenting and sharing it. I also promised that I would share my story. There are no bullets or lesson points in this post. Just a story.

photo credit: Chris Blakeley via photopin cc

I learned the power of story telling from my mentor. She once told me when teaching and training on communication skills, the learner has to feel the impact and stories do that. 

Nick Morgan put it this way: 

"[b]y drawing them in [with a story] you will increase their emotional investment and help them remember your message."

John Maxwell says "everyone communicates. few connect".

Don't you find it ironic that in this digital age, where we have multiple ways of connecting with each other, people are more disconnected now than ever before?

Why is that? This was my question back before the internet was a part of everyday life. I was a bullied child, and I found myself sympathetic to my tormentors. Don't misunderstand. I hated my tormentors and hated myself even more for sympathizing with them. [I've since forgiven us both]

But the truth was, the very girls who caused my life such distress, were in fact hurting themselves. I remember one of my regular elementary school bullies, (let's call her "Nancy"), hit me in class. After I told the teacher, (yeah I snitched) we were both taken outside in the hall. The teacher stepped back into the room and told us when she returned she would be calling Nancy's mother. As soon as the door closed, Nancy turned to me with such fear in her eyes and begged me to plead to our teacher on her behalf. She apologized profusely and begged me not to call her mother, as if the action was left to me. Sympathetically, I agreed; and when the teacher returned, I somehow persuaded the teacher not to call Nancy's mother. I believe it was because I showed Nancy the mercy she was never given.  She never bullied me again...in fact, she made sure no one else did either. 

In his book, Be A People Person: Effective Leadership Through Effective Relationships John Maxwell makes one of the most profound insights I've ever read.

"The key to relating to others is putting ourselves in their place instead of putting people in their place."

So often we aim to put people in their place. We call it "checking someone"; "reading their mail"; "putting them on blast"; "keeping it real" or a myriad of other euphemisms to basically keep people in place.

Here is the problem. If we spend all of our time systematically placing, moving, and replacing the people in our lives, when do we actually have a relationships with people? 

photo credit: nestor galina via photopin cc

All of this contributes to the BRAVE Communication LLC Story.

I decided to call my company BRAVE Communication for two reasons. The first is because I knew that stepping out into entrepreneurial waters was a big step for me.  For so long, I looked for validation from others. I needed it. I needed to be brave enough to,  in the words of King David, "encourage myself". Being an entrepreneur is a scary place at times. But I knew I had to do it because I had a mission.

That mission is the second reason I started my business and called it BRAVE Communication. The real, genuine, heart felt connection that people long for, only comes when one is brave enough to communicate openly and skillfully. A lot of peoples' problems are traced back to poor communication. 

Small irritants, not dealt with, become large offenses that threaten relationships.

People really want deep meaningful relationships with others. A relationship built on trust. A relationship free of fear. Free from jockeying for power. Free from "one upping" one another. Free to make mistakes and learn from them. Free to just be. Relationships that make us better instead of worse. I mean even as I write these words, my heart soars to think of it. Who doesn't want a relationship like that?

photo credit: Nina Matthews Photography via photopin cc 

But because of not knowing how to have such relationships, we roam about doing the best we can. Because of fear, we only strive to have shallow relationships that only magnify the void in our lives. After all, shallow relationships are safe. 

A ship in harbor is safe but that's not what it was built for.

My mission with BRAVE is to help people with the how. I like training groups of people on communication skills. But I LOVE coaching people one on one because that is when people can, as Nick Morgan says, feel the return on the emotional investment in open and skillful communication. I also love coaching because it takes people from the how to the actual do. It is safe to learn better ways to communicate when you work with a coach who genuinely cares about you.

Good communication skill is needed in all areas of life. However, I focus on building these relationships at work because it is almost non existent there. Work has somehow been diminished into a place where everything that makes us humane, is asked to be checked at the door for the sake of the bottom line or being professional. 

Managers are bullying and abusing their teams because they are finally in a position of power and think that is the only way to get results. Like my elementary school bully, who feeling powerless in one place came to school to exert power over others; leaders are throwing child-like tantrums and calling it leadership.

photo credit: Microsoft clip art

Leaders are afraid that they can't produce results and be kind and considerate or dare I say it...be NICE! Leaders don't trust the people they lead and why should they when they only strategically place, move, and replace people like pawns on a board? 

Let me be clear about the word nice. Nice doesn't mean you don't set high expectations. It doesn't mean you don't set boundaries. It doesn't mean you don't fire someone. It just means you aren't a jerk about it.

Leaders have to be bold enough to be the best they can. Jack Welch and I will never be the same. I am made differently but I can still be just as effective in business. But I will never be effective as long as I am trying to be the next Jack Welch or Sara Blakely or [insert the person you admire]. God didn't make me Jack or Sara. God made me...Julia.

And it is by fully accepting myself and being secure in myself that I as a leader can help someone else do the same thing. I issue that same challenge to you. If you are reading my blog, then you are interested in leadership on some level. So I ask you, are you trying to fit the mold of leadership laid out by others? Writing your story, and rewriting your story, helps you remember why you are doing what you are doing. It also gives you the courage to keep doing it so you help someone else find success.

Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others.

~Jack Welch

The F Word: Why You Should Embrace It

"I am staring it the face. The F Word. It is looking at me, daring me, even to respond to it. It wants to know what I am going to do. Will I cower just like in times past? I can see a smirk curl the sides of its mouth as it figures it has already won. Like a bully on the playground, it thinks it has me beat. "Any minute now", it thinks, "she is going to run away defeated."

It is a scene from those Western movies my grandmother loved to watch. 

I am facing my opponent, at high noon, in the dusty streets with sun blaring down on us both. We expect each other to reach for our guns and draw.Then I do something that completely wipes the smug little grin from its face.

I pick up my opponent and embrace it!"

The "f" word personified here is...

I Want To Be A Light Bulb

"It is not about shining so others can see you, it is about shining so others can see their beauty through you."  ~Shawne Duperon

I came across this quote on Facebook recently and fell in love. On a day when I was really examining what it will mean to take my business to the next level, I felt like my problem was that I was focusing too much on my shortcomings and flaws.

Have you ever felt like you don't have enough ____(fill in the blank)___ to help someone else? Talent? Resource? Life experience? Credentials?

In all honesty, I am a little afraid of the next level. With that level comes a certain amount of exposure that I am not sure I want. 

Understand, I want to help others. I have a heart for it and I am good at it. That isn't the issue.

My issue is one of misplaced focus. Duperon's quote helped me shift my thinking...a practice I help my clients do all the time. 

How Do You Respond To: Asinine Comments About Your Parenting?

Intelligent and unintelligent people are equally capable of making asinine comments. The question isn't "if" you'll encounter one, but how do you respond to them when they come.

While perusing my Facebook feed last week, I saw this status update from a friend of mine.

 While playing at the park, I was asked the million dollar question " are they triplets?". I replied "yes, they are". She then said "that's awful". Seriously I had to walk away because I would have told her off.

We have all had someone say something really stupid, or insensitive to us. Right? How do you respond to comments like this?

Learn To Be Yourself

This summer I took my kids to see Rio in theaters.

We own the DVD of the movie and have seen it hundreds of times. I thought it would be the perfect way to introduce my young children to the movie going experience without producing too much anxiety about the big screen, dim lighting, and loud sound. As the movie started, the anxiety of the unknown left my kids and they melted into the familiarity of the characters, music, and lines they knew all too well.

I too experienced the movie in a new way. 
Here are 3 ways you can learn to be yourself...Rio style!

Profiles in BRAVERY: Carrie Evans...Standing Up Against Opposition

"ProfilesInBRAVERY" is a segment that highlights everyday people using the communication skills they have to do amazing things. The world may not know their name but their bravery and skill has changed someone's world. If you know someone who should be featured, contact me. 

Carrie Evans

Name:  Carrie Evans
Title or position:  Director of Baby and Me - Tobacco Free; Zumba Fitness Instructor
Business/Agency:  Union Hospital; Booker T. Washington Community Center
Contact: www.facebook.com/ZumbaFitnesswithCarrie

Describe a time you had to be BRAVE.

I think the situation that stands out to me as necessitating BRAVE communication was a City Council meeting in January 2011.  I had been the director of the Vigo County Tobacco Coalition for over 6 years.  During that time, I had worked hard on securing a Clean Indoor Air Ordinance that would make smoking inside public places illegal.  

Lessons on Finding Bravery In Unexpected Places: #Blog4biz Day 31:

Image Courtesy of Microsoft Clip Art

Today is the last day of the #Blog4Biz Business Blogging Challenge hosted by Fleur Management. It has been 31 days of blogging prompts about big things like business plans to small things like office supplies.

Today's challenge asks us to chose a business owner and (1.) write a pitch or proposal on how our businesses could collaborate and (2.) ask that business owner for a meeting to share those ideas.

This is a good challenge especially for small businesses. We can go farther if we begin thinking how can we work together to met a common goal. If you have been reading along, you know that I try to find some way to connect communication into every post. Today I am not going to that. In this last post, I am going to challenge you to open your eyes and find the lessons and chances to be BRAVE in everything you do.

Taking It to the Next Level: #Blog4Biz Day 9

The Living BRAVE blog re-launches on Aug 1, 2013. During July, however, I accepted the #Blog4Biz daily business blogging challenge. The challenge is designed to help business owners focus on certain aspects of blogging that will expand their skill, boost creativity, and focus their message. Initially, I wasn't going to publicly share my posts, but as I started writing these posts, I saw the value in sharing...and some of this stuff is really good!  If you want to join the challenge, click here.

I used to watch Chef Emeril Lagasses's cooking show from time to time. I never watched because I ever planned to make any of the scrumptious looking meals he prepared. I watched to see how he would interact with his audience, the band, AND for the way he would "Kick it up a notch!" with his signature "BAMM!!!"

Today's challenge asks us to talk about what taking it to the next level or "kicking it up a notch" means to my business.

As you can see from the header of each blog post in #Blog4Biz challenge, on August 1, 2013 I plan on taking my business blog to the next level.

After a year of trying to figure out the best way to use the blogging platform, I have never been clearer.

People want to do business with people. They may be intrigued by your product or service but ultimately if they connect with you, then they'll do business with you. 

The purpose of my blog is to showcase my skill knowledge and my personality to make it easier for you to contact me.

Have A Vision For Where You Want To Go: #Blog4Biz

#Blog4biz Day 4: BRAVE Communication LLC Vision Board 

Today's challenge was to create a vision board based on my business goals. I have never heard of a vision board before so I had to look it up. The concept of a vision board came out of the Law of Attraction principle. Basically, like attracts like.

A vision board is a compilation of pictures. According the tutorial I found, you are supposed to browse images online, in magazines, and newspapers. Choose pictures that speak to you about a subject--in this case business goals--and then compile them on a board. Success driven people have used vision boards as a way of visualizing the future they want to have.

As a business, BRAVE Communication exists to provide relevant affordable communications skills training, coaching, and strategies to individuals and small to mid-size organizations.

How I Discovered I Was A Leader: #Blog4Biz Day 3

#Blog4Biz: Day 3 “My Best day in Business was…”

May 22, 2012, the day I filed my business paperwork with the state is a day I will never forget. BRAVE Communication LLC is more than a vehicle for career pursuits. It is also a vehicle for my personal and spiritual growth.

I have always wanted to be an entrepreneur but growing up I didn't see any entrepreneurs like me. All of the entrepreneurs I knew fell into two camps:

A).     They were extremely driven, hard-nosed, in your face people who didn't care about who or what they had to step on or step over to get the next deal. They had blinders on. Making money was the only measure of success they recognized.

OR

B).    They were pretenders. They didn’t want anyone to tell them what to do so they go into business for themselves. They want to be the boss but don’t want to have any responsibility. They conduct themselves so unprofessionally that no one takes them seriously.

I didn't fall into either of those camps so I dismissed entrepreneurship altogether. 

As a kid, I was soft spoken and shy. The thought of having someone say NO to my face was enough to send me under the covers with my blanket. I didn't have tough skin. I never thought of myself as a leader. I never had a lemonade stand or paper route or showed any other signs of leadership or business affinity….not in the traditional sense of the word anyway.

It took over 20 years for me to see that I am and always have been a leader, coach, teacher, and mentor. When I was BRAVE enough to see myself for who I am and not in comparison to others, then I was able to accept these truths and see the patterns.

I needed to do that internal work before I could step out on my own. The way I operate my business is really simple. I do what I know to do today. I am very good at helping people have truer, richer, and more engaged relationships at work and at home. I communicate how I do that to potential clients. If they agree, we move forward. If not, I wish them well and, if I can, point them to other resources that might be a better fit. 

I don’t compare myself to other leadership, training, coaching or blogging gurus. There are enough clients out there for all of us. I have to stick to being me. And I have to be BRAVE enough to believe that people will appreciate my fresh, fun, respectful and heart warming approach to communication skill building.

I am not just challenging the world to be BRAVE enough to improve their communication skills. The best day of my business  was when I was BRAVE enough to legally file the paperwork and tell the world “I am open for business”.

The Living BRAVE blog” does not officially relaunch until Aug 1, 2013. However during the month of July, I accepted the #Blog4Biz daily business blogging challenge. The challenge is designed to help business owners focus on certain aspects of blogging that will expand their skill, boost creativity, and focus their message. Initially, I wasn't going to publicly share my posts, but as I started writing these posts, I realized that some of these posts might help you get to know me better before the “official” content appears August 1. If you want to join the challenge, click here
Word Count: 466