Special Offer: You Can Finally Have That Difficult Conversation...Here's How

Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high is a best selling book with over 2 million copies sold. 

Why would a book about having difficult conversations be a best seller? 

After decades of Jerry Springer and reality television, it is clear that people don't know how to disagree without drama, name calling, or harboring hatred.

From the shooting of Arizona House Representatives to bullied students turning violent to political protests turning into violent mobs, it is evident that there is a conversation crisis in this nation.

Why are so many people turning violent? One reason is people have not learned how to release the pressure valve before it explodes.

So many people keep emotions bottled up. Small fires unchecked turn into blazing infernos which can't be recalled once unleashed.

Forget the other person for a minute, they are important and we'll get to them later, but focus on yourself for a minute.

Think about that person who annoys. Is it your boss, coworker, spouse, child, friend or parent? Now ask yourself why haven't you had that conversation. 

• Do you tell yourself its no big deal...yet talk about it about with other people?
• Do you tell yourself you are going to "rise above it"...yet never do because it always weighs you down?
• Do you find it exhausting to even think about where to begin because it has bothered you for so long?
• Do you find yourself wishing you could avoid that person...even though you know you need them?

I see you nodding your head yes. We've all been there. Myself included.

Now check in with your body. How do you feel when you think about that situation, the answers to those questions, or the situation?

I would imagine you feel weighed down and tired. Aren't you tired of feeling that way? Aren't you tired of sweeping it under the rug?

If you don't learn how to have and deliver that conversation in a productive way, you'll explode at the oddest moment over the smallest thing. Maybe you've tried talking to them before, did represent yourself as best as you could?

The authors of Crucial Conversations ( Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillian and Al Switzler) actually say that when the stakes are the highest we tend to act the worst.

In order to regain your energy and freedom, you need to have a conversation. 

And not just any conversation, a conversation that allows you to be the mature, skilled, and respectful person you are.

Now let's turn your attention to the other person. Do they even know they are annoying you, causing you stress or acting in a way that is unproductive? 

We are relationship with people because we get to help each other grow. Did you ever think that your caring, well planned, drama free feedback could the crucial turning point in that person's development?

You owe it to yourself and the other person to be BRAVE enough to have a difficult conversation.

But you don't have to do it alone.

Books like Crucial Conversations are chocked full of great tips. I highlye recommend you read it.

I suspect, though, what you really need is coach who can help you tailor all the expert knowledge into a doable action plan that's right for you.

I'd like to help you with that.

For the next two weeks (offer expires June 30, 2014) I am offering 15 sixty minute phone coaching session called BRAVE Conversations where you and I will:

• Narrow down exactly what you want to say
• Discover what you NEED to say and why
• Plan and outline the conversation so you are clear, respectful, and honest... not whiny or emotional
• Practice exactly how it should be delivered 
• Increase you confidence and eliminate your anxiety

This limited time special offer is deeply (I mean deeply) discounted at $50 per session.

I can only do 15 of these so click here to reserve your spot. Don't wait. They will go quickly. Reserve your spot today.

Come on, isn't it time you stop hiding? Free yourself. I will walk right beside you to help clear the clutter and help you get to the heart of the matter.

You can do it.  Let me help!

Go to website now (before you talk yourself out of it) and reserve your spot now!

5 Lies People Tell During The Holidays!

I admit I am a romantic Christmas movie junkie. The corny-ier the better. In my effort to offer you #HolidayHelp, today I talk about a common theme in many holiday movies: lying. In fact there are five lies people tell during the holidays...and after the holidays are over. 

Even if I can predict, which I usually can, every turn and twist, I still love romantic Christmas movies. My husband usually racks up major brownie points between Thanksgiving and New Year’s watching at least one a week with me. 

As a romantic Christmas movie connoisseur, I have noticed they all have similar themes:  

• A single person makes a deal with another single person to pretend to be a couple during the holidays. 
• A couple or family on the verge of irreversible destruction pretends to be a picture perfect couple just for the holiday.
• Some character has a secret and keeping the secret has caused—or is causing—a rift in one or more relationships. 

It seems that people would rather lie than face the truth.

Are you one of them?

It makes for great television, but I can’t help but get emotionally drained as I watch these characters dig themselves in deeper holes as they try to cover their tracks. The plot always unravels as the characters forget the lies they told or try to live up to the lies and just can’t. 

5 Lies People Tell 

Profiles in BRAVERY: Tante Robinson...Putting An End to Bullying

"ProfilesInBRAVERY" is a segment that highlights everyday people using the communication skills they have to do amazing things. The world may not know their name but their bravery and skill has changed someone's world. If you know someone who should be featured, contact me. 

Tante Robinson,
Founder Girls Of Excellence Mentoring Program

Name: Tante Robinson

Title or position: Founder, Girls of Excellence Mentoring Program

Business/Agency: Girls of Excellence Mentoring Program

Online presence:
https://www.facebook.com/girlsofexcellence  



What is a misconception people have about bullying?
A lot of people think it’s just a game and that it’s not serious. People just shrug it off. But it is serious. Children kill themselves, they get depressed. They cut themselves. Words do hurt.

The Cure For Sarcasm

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

I had to read the article called “One Thing Your Employees Need (But Rarely Get)” because I was curious to know the answer. It didn’t surprise me to discover that employees (and might I add employers) need self-respect. 
 
What did surprise me was the author’s connection between sarcasm and the erosion of self-respect. We all know what sarcasm is and can generally recognize it when we hear it. Though familiar with the word, I looked it up anyway. 

Why Respect Doesn't Have to be Earned

Our greatest communication struggle comes when we demand other people to see things the way we do and then disrespect them when they don't. 

I recently saw Lee Daniel's The Butler starring Forest Whitaker as a White House butler who served eight presidential administrations. 

Though unsure what to expect of the film, I assumed it would be a movie about race in America. To my surprise, it wasn't a movie about race. It was a movie about the complexity of human communication.

In the mosaic interconnect of communication, passion, and people, this film presented two powerful communication lessons we can learn.

Before we get there, allow me to take you on a fictitious journey into the thoughts of Cecil Gaines, the butler, and his college aged son, Louis. 

3 Ways to Help Your Kids Become Better Communicators

Today was the first day of kindergarten for my oldest son. This is a rite of passage for both parent and child. He is going be spending a lot of time with people we really don't know. I admit, I was a little freaked out. 

What if the teacher misinterprets his nuances? What if some bigger kids bully him? What if he bullies some other kid? What if doesn't tell me if something bad happens? 

As I was running through my list of concerns, I realized that aside from his physical safety, my other concerns really boiled down to one thing. Communication.

At the heart of my fears was how will he communicate with others? And how will others communicate with him?

#Blog4Biz Day 15: Emoti-bombs going off over here

The Living BRAVE blog re-launches on Aug 1, 2013. During July, however, I accepted the #Blog4Biz daily business blogging challenge. The challenge is designed to help business owners focus on certain aspects of blogging that will expand their skill, boost creativity, and focus their message. Initially, I wasn't going to publicly share my posts, but as I started writing these posts, I saw the value in sharing...and some of this stuff is really good!  If you want to join the challenge, click here.

Today's challenged rubbed me the wrong way when initially saw the prompt. 

"Fill in the blank: I sell myself______"

Ex. ..short because I lack confidence.

....for pennies on the dollar because my prices are too low.

The list could go on. I get, at least I think I get, the point. It is a challenge on self worth and value. A provocative look at how business owners view themselves, their time, and their product or service.

I took issue with the word choice. My initial reaction was am emphatic. "I sell myself for no one. Period."

After calming down, I realize that my reaction to this prompt is the same reaction some of my coaching clients feel about my approach to communication skills. I strongly believe that we can and should adjust our communication styles to our audience. The first line of resistance usually comes in the form of 

"I am not changing for anybody. This is me. Like it or leave it".

This is a self defense response that has hit nerve. In my workshops, I refer to them as "Emoti-bombs" (pronounced like emoticon). These are internal emotional explosions that occur in all of us when a deeply held belief or fear is challenged.

For me, human traffikking is a social issue that I feel strongly about. The issue affects men, women, and children all over the world. It is a cancer on society that threatens my deeply held belief that people deserve respect simply because they exist, not for what they can or can not do for you. 

When I read the prompt challenge this morning, my emoti-bomb went off. I began thinking about selling people. Pimps and traffickers selling little girls and boys to the highest bidder. Yeah, I know too deep for a business prompt right?!?! But this is the nature of emoti-bombs. Once they go off you all of your thoughts filter through them and you can not get beyond your emotion. 

Everyone's explosion looks different. It may be outwardly expressed. If may not. The verdict in the George Zimmerman trial set off emoti-bombs all across this country. Depending on your stance on the topic, you may not be able to "hear" any other reasoning that goes against yours. Why? Not because you personally knew the Martin family or the Zimmerman family.

But because the trial brought you face to to face with beliefs you hold deeply. 

Be it racism in America, the validity of the justice system, or your fear that one day, your son, daughter, nephew, niece could be either killed or accused of killing. No matter what the trigger, our emoti-bomb literally cloud our judgement.

So how do we recover from our "emoti-bombs"? 

1. Acknowledge them. It is ok to admit you are upset, annoyed, livid, hurt...whatever the emotion is. This blog starts with me admitting I was offended by the word choice in the prompt today.
2. Identify them. Why are you upset? Try to put a finger on the issue that is really frightening you. For me I linked the word choices to human trafficking and the heartache it causes.
3. Seek higher ground. You can't see for the cloud. So seek to get a perspective that gets you high enough to get clarity. I had to think very hard about why I couldn't come with a 600 word answer to the prompt. I needed to step away and find perspective. I decided to use this as a showcase of one of my coaching techniques.
4. Remember your responsibility. You only have control over a few things in life. Take responsibility for your actions. For me the goal of this challenge is talk about the worth and value I have in my business. I could either not answer the prompt because I was offended or find a way to answer the prompt.

Having coached myself the way I would coach clients who have had an emotional explosion, I can see my task more clearly to answer the question. I know the organizers of this post weren't trying to offend. Offense is like a coat, you choose whether to put it on or take it off. I picked up the offense and I now I choose to put it down to answer the question.

As I am revamping my business I realized that I am selling myself short not because I am not confident in my services, but because I am too sensitive to the needs of my target audience. Small businesses with even smaller budgets can't afford the big names training programs or coaching services. But they still need and deserve them nonetheless. I want to help to help small business get a competitive advantage by having a culture that rivals their rivals. I also want to be well compensated for my work. Even though I know my price structure is fair, even a little below market value by industry standards, I still wonder if it is fair to small business owners. 

In this blog, I share my heart with you and show some of the why behind my business, in an attempt to build your trust. In posts like this, where I take the prompt and show you how everyday situations can cause interpersonal conflict and what you can do about, I hope you see the value in paying for my service. 

I try to make my business case as tangible as possible but in all honesty, people call me for clean up and damage control. Not for prevention. Of course, it doesn't matter to me when you call me. Just call me! 

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