"You're too nice."
This is a phrase a client has heard over and over during his long career. Everytime he hears it, he scratches his head in confusion. The sentence is flung at him like an accusation. He is by no means a push over. He is a leader who genuinely seeks the opinions of his talent. He operates very efficiently with results. But he isn't a bull in a China shop. If things are delinquent or late, he doesn't get on the phone yelling at screaming every 5 minutes. He doesn't see the point in beating a dead horse just to prove he is in charge. He wondered if being nice is hurting his career or his opportunities for advancement because he isn't perceived as "hungry" or "urgent" or "aggressive".
Have you ever been accused of being too nice? Too happy? Too optimistic? What is does this really mean? What are people trying to say?
Is her niceness a constant reminder that you're not nice and therefore you want her stop? Or is he called too nice when you really mean he is too passive or lacks assertiveness?
Background on the #BraveTalk discussion:
It is a comment
challenge where I ask a question, present a point of view, or share an
idea and you tell me your thoughts on it. There are no right or wrong
answers. I just want to stir up an intellectual conversation with my
community. By participating you practice key communication skills like
giving feebdback, writing clearly and concisely, paraphrasing what
others said, etc. Participate and share.
Now that you know what's in it for you and what responsibility you have, let's get started!
- See more at: http://bravecommunicationllc.blogspot.com/2014/01/should-leaders-strive-to-be-liked.html#sthash.ZANYxFXA.dpuf
Background on the #BraveTalk discussion:
It
is a comment challenge where I ask a question, present a point of view,
or share an idea and you tell me your thoughts on it. There are no
right or wrong answers. I just want to stir up an intellectual
conversation with my community. By participating you practice key
communication skills like giving feebdback, writing clearly and
concisely, paraphrasing what others said, etc. Participate and share.
Now that you know what's in it for you and what responsibility you have, let's get started!
Background on the #BraveTalk discussion:
It is a comment
challenge where I ask a question, present a point of view, or share an
idea and you tell me your thoughts on it. There are no right or wrong
answers. I just want to stir up an intellectual conversation with my
community. By participating you practice key communication skills like
giving feebdback, writing clearly and concisely, paraphrasing what
others said, etc. Participate and share.
Now that you know what's in it for you and what responsibility you have, let's get started!
- See more at: http://bravecommunicationllc.blogspot.com/2014/01/should-leaders-strive-to-be-liked.html#sthash.ZANYxFXA.dpuf
Background on the #BraveTalk discussion:
It is a comment
challenge where I ask a question, present a point of view, or share an
idea and you tell me your thoughts on it. There are no right or wrong
answers. I just want to stir up an intellectual conversation with my
community. By participating you practice key communication skills like
giving feebdback, writing clearly and concisely, paraphrasing what
others said, etc. Participate and share.
Now that you know what's in it for you and what responsibility you have, let's get started!
- See more at: http://bravecommunicationllc.blogspot.com/2014/01/should-leaders-strive-to-be-liked.html#sthash.ZANYxFXA.dpuf
Background on the #BraveTalk discussion:
It is a comment
challenge where I ask a question, present a point of view, or share an
idea and you tell me your thoughts on it. There are no right or wrong
answers. I just want to stir up an intellectual conversation with my
community. By participating you practice key communication skills like
giving feebdback, writing clearly and concisely, paraphrasing what
others said, etc. Participate and share.
Now that you know what's in it for you and what responsibility you have, let's get started!
- See more at: http://bravecommunicationllc.blogspot.com/2014/01/should-leaders-strive-to-be-liked.html#sthash.ZANYxFXA.dpuf
Having been accused of being too nice often, I can relate.
ReplyDeleteI've always found that with all of the examples of "powerful" leaders and doers we see and hear about, it's hard to think that there's another way. But really I think each person's communication style should be honed to improve what they are comfortable with.
Nice people don't always finish last, there's a difference between being nice and being a pushover. And aggressive people can really hurt their relationships. Focus on what's important, what's important to growth in careers and personal life, and develop a communication style that works for improving that situation.
Thanks for starting this conversation, Julia.
Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI love what you said about focusing on developing a communication style that works for improving the situation. it is interesting that we don't equate "powerful" and nice. In fact, I'm working a post about that coming soon. Thanks for commenting!